HELP ME ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS FROM MEN (PT.2)

The questions are here...again. As always, I'm gonna try my best to answer them.

Question 1 : How will I know she has strong feelings for me when she hasn't told me?
Answer 1 : First of all, what makes you think she has strong feelings for you? What exactly do you mean by "strong feelings"? I'm assuming you mean if she loves you...And I really hope that's what you mean. There's no guaranteed way to know if a person really loves you. It depends on her. Pay close attention to her body language. How she acts when she's around you. The way she talks and looks at you. Beware if she's that way around other guys..it could be that's just the way she is. By the way, why do you want to know? Do you love her?

Question 2 : Is it right to date someone older than me?
Answer 2 : Love has no barrier. Right. But unfortunately, the answer to that question is "it depends ”. Will it be okay for both of you? And how about your family and friends? Can you withstand the pressure? If you really love each other and you can face any challenge, goodluck!

Question 3 : Should I accept her back after she rendered abuses on me and stole my money?
Answer 3 : Accept her back? That would mean you broke up and she wants back in? If you are honest (and you should be), she did steal your money and rendered abuses on you. Take time and ask yourself what you want. Can you forgive her? If you can, accept her back. Ofcourse, that's if you love her. But if you can't forgive her and you don't love her, please my brother, spare both yourselves the emotional trauma and move on.

Question 4 : Her best friend is having a serious crush on me, she cares and loves me more than my girl friend does...am confused; what should I do?
Answer 4 : How do you know her best friend cares and loves you more than your girlfriend does? Do you compare both of them? If you leave her now for her bestfriend, what makes you think you won't later leave her bestfriend for another person? I think you should try and spice up your relationship. Concentrate on it and help it grow...if you really love your girlfriend. If there's something she isn't doing right, talk to her about it.

Question 5 : I caught my girlfriend sleeping with my best friend. She said she was drugged. My friend never accepted the accusation...Now I'm confused. Should I end the relationship and move on?
Answer 5 : You caught them red-handed? That must have been traumatic for you. Your friend never accepted the accusation of having drugged your girlfriend...ofcourse, he wouldn't, even if he's guilty. How does your girlfriend know she was drugged? That would mean she was raped. Did she go for a drug-test? Did she report the matter to the police? I'd say do an accurate investigation and make your decision from there.

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HELP ME ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS FROM WOMEN

The questions are here...again. Guess what? It's from women this time around.
As usual, I'm going to try my best to answer them.

Question 1 : Is it a warning signal if your partner claims not to remember his/her ex's name? I have fully answered every one of my boyfriend's questions about my past. But he has not been nearly as forthcoming with filling in the blanks with me on his past. He’s very vague in his explanation. Is it wrong for me to feel concerned that he either doesn’t remember his ex's name or that he simply refuses to tell me what it is? I’m having trouble believing someone could forget the name of an ex. What are your thoughts?
Answer 1: He remembers, but he wishes he didn’t. He has a scar across his heart andjust doesn’t have the emotional skills to talk about it properly or deal with the issue.
Is he telling you the whole truth? No.
Is there more to the story than you know? Definitely.
But you know what? The past is the past. If you don’t see any other big signs that this guy isn’t who you need him to be, I’d suggest you just let it go. Don’t let it put a strain on your relationship. If and when he wants to talk about it, he'll tell you without you having to ask.

Question 2: I've been seeing my guy for almost 7 months. However he clearly has some issues around relationships and commitment. He has wanted us to stay unofficial, saying he doesn't have it in him to be a boyfriend and that relationships are only about obligation and misery. What should I do?
Answer 2: Just reading through your email it’s pretty obvious this guy is bitter and broken, doesn’t believe in “real” relationships, has had his heart shattered by either parents who hated each other or a ex-girlfriend who made spaghetti out of his emotions and generally is NOT in a place where he could be boyfriend material. Why do you refer to him as "my guy"? He isn't. He has told you he isn't ready for a serious relationship. Lucky you! Some guys don't even tell ladies this. They pretend to be serious when they aren't. He probably still hurts from his previous relationships.You say you've been seeing him for almost 7 months...what have both of you been doing then? The problem isn't what he wants. What do you want? If you don't love him and you want fun, you can stay. If you love him, don't stay. Move on. It's not your job to "fix" him and convince him to fall in love with you. So many women “commit” themselves mind, body and soul to a guy when there’s really no commitment to be had. Don't do that.

Question 3 : Hi Yakky. My boyfriend has suddenly pulled away. I have barely heard from him at all and when I tried to reach out to him with a few flirty texts, he responded appreciatively but didn't reciprocate or engage in anyway. I really don't think it's about other girls but it feels like he's lost interest. When I asked him what was up he said he's just been busy. Why the sudden change in behavior? What's going on with him?
Answer 3 : You tried to reach out to him with a few flirty texts? Are you serious? This doesn't sound like a problem that can be solved with flirty texts. Talk to him. Ask what the problem is. He might be having family issues, financial issues or problems at work. If he doesn't want to talk about it, don't push it. Give him time...how long is up to you. Assess yourself and your relationship. Have things been smooth or rough? The answer might lie therein.

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HELP ME ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS FROM MEN

It's something different today...
I received some e-mails from men and below are their questions.
This is my first attempt at this...I'm going to try my best to answer them...
If you have questions about love, life and relationships, forward them to yakadams7@gmail.com.
Also, like and invite your friends to like my facebook page " Yakky's Random Musings ".

And now on with the show...

Question 1 : Hi Yakky, I caught a lady looking down below my waist. This isn't the first time it has happened. Why do women do this?
Answer 1 : A lot of guys seem to have this idea in their minds that women are sexless Grecian statues. But it's not so. Women actually LIKE looking at men. I'm not saying women are as overwhelmingly visual as guys are.
But if a woman was checking out your package it's because . . .
Well, because she probably liked how the rest of you looked and wanted to see if you "Measured Up" to whatever thoughts were running through her mind at that time.
Or maybe your fly was unzipped.

Question 2: I'm in love with my 24 year old stepdaughter. How do I get her to fall in love with me? I know that she loves me with all her heart as a daughter loves a father.
Answer 2 : You know she loves you with all her heart as a daughter loves a father? Do you really know that? If she's your stepdaughter, it means you're married to her mother, right? You want to 'have' both of them? Hmmmm. What you're feeling isn't love, it's lust. This is an extraordinarily creepy idea you have in your head. Seriously. This will never happen and this SHOULD never happen.

Question 3 : Should I use the words 'children' and 'marriage' a lot in discussion with my girlfriend?
Answer 3 : Depends what you're going for. If you want to marry her, sure. But if you're just using it as a tactic to get in her pants, beware of karma... it'll backfire eventually.

Question 4 : There's this new lady that has been employed where I work. How should I dress to impress her? Gold cross pen and pencil? Faux gold rolex?
Answer 4: Gold cross pen and pencil? Really? Are you on the Jersey Shore? No bling necessary and definitely don't wear a fake rolex. If she finds out she'll just mock you. Be yourself. Generally, women like it when a guy cares about his appearance. Dress modestly.

Question 5 : I'm always good yet I get  bad and selfish girls. So right now I want to become bad. Girls always treat me bad...only to collect things from me and go away. I think changing to be bad will worth it. I was innocent and I got used. When I love, I give myself out and don't hide anything or lie. Do you know I even give my ATM card to my girlfriend? Girls can be wicked. I have been there for them, did everything for them, was real,dated them and never slept with them cos I didn't just believe in dat. Yakky, what did I get? Am I the only one dat should suffer? There are  very very selfish girls around. They think only of themselves. Where are the good girls?
Answer 5 : Woah...you sound very bitter, and that's understandable. Not all girls are wicked. There are good girls out there....just that they are rare...very rare. Seems you're on a revenge mission. Imagine what would happen if we all did same? Relationships aren't easy. The last person to forgive and forget hurts the most...don't be that person. I'm sure there's a girl out there for you. Good luck!

Question 6 : Should I date my bestfriend?
Answer 6 : Sure, there's nothing wrong with dating your bestfriend...if only she feels the same way towards you. If you aren't sure about your feelings, don't make a move...it'll damage your friendship.

What do you think? Have something to add? Please do so at the comments' section. Help a brother.

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HOW THE INTERNET IS CHANGING JOURNALISM IN NIGERIA

Although the term journalism has been traditionally used to refer to news practitioners in the print media (journals, newspapers, magazines), it will however be used in this context to also include electronic media (Radio, TV, film, Web, etc).
Times and things have indeed changed. Globalization has since become a buzz word, and has brought with it change and competition. People's lives have been variously affected either for the better or for the worse.
Regarding the way that journalists do their (news gathering) work, the internet has made things easier. Photojournalists in Nigeria are now able to use Internet facilities such as emails to upload pictures to newsrooms from distant locations.
The Guardian's website and chatroom is a rallying point for Nigerians at home and abroad to meet and discuss common issues of national importance.
It can be said therefore that the Nigerian media are measuring up with their counterparts in other parts of the world by their maintaining strategic presence on the information super highway. However, other facilities and resources are still largely unavailable to Nigerian journalists.
For examples, company sponsored laptop computers with mobile internet access, digital recording devices, open access mobile telephones, plus salaries that take into consideration global trends, market prices and National inflation rates.
It can be argued that in a way, that the internet has led to a decrease in the revenue of some of the media organizations in Nigeria, while at the same time increasing their cost, as money would have to be invested into setting such websites, and also paying the staff that would constantly maintain them.
However, if we are to go by global trends which foretell an increase in internet advertising usage and revenues, then any incidental cost will eventually be offset by the expected revenues, hopefully.
Nigerian advertisers have not yet started taking advantage of the opportunities presented by the internet, to advertise their products and services in the websites of some of these media organizations. Only a few advertisers are doing this at the moment. It was hoped that such advertisements may actually increase so that the free news now readily available on the internet can be subsidized, and also to make up for the shortfall from the hard copy sales.
Some people have argued that the internet has to some extent greatly reduced the "worth" and "value" of Nigerian journalists. This is because of the wide availability of some internet bloggers and pundits who are more than happy to have their articles and views published in newspapers.  These pseudo-journalists would not normally demand any payment and get their fulfillment from their 'one minute of fame.' They normally would have views on just about anything, and usually written from a 'professional' standpoint, thereby widening the debate for social, economic and political reforms even further.
Blogging platforms provide in terms of the discourse in the comments (and while many complain of the quality of the comments, it's still a forum for discourse that does push a story further). Journalists and others often use the Blogging platform to tell more stories or to expand on a story that was edited for size. It's not uncommon for traditional media outlets to publish the audio/video interviews that were used to create the news pieces. Those extras are frequently published on a Blog or Podcast platform.
In conclusion, I'd want to say that the internet is still evolving in Nigeria. It is yet to reach the adoption levels already achieved in the Western countries. It's my humble submission that journalists should embrace its use fully, while at the same time taking full advantages of the opportunities it presents, as can be seen in more developed countries.

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SHOULD ETHNIC, CULTURAL AND SOCIAL BACKGROUND BE AN OBSTACLE FOR ANY RELATIONSHIP?

"And the whole earth was of one language and of one speech.
And it came to pass as they journeyed from the East, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there.
And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for morter.
And they said, Go to, let us build a city and a tower whose top may reach unto Heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth.
And the Lord came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men built.
And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one and they have all one language; and this they begin to do; and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.
Go to, let us go down and confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech.
So the Lord scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of the earth......" (Gen. 11 : 1 - 8)

Have you read the above portion of the Bible before? If they hadn't tried to be smart and planned to build that tower of Babel, we'd all share the same ethnic and cultural background. Maybe. Maybe not.
One difficult aspect of two people creating a life together is when each person comes from a different cultural, ethnic or social background. One out of two things will happen - the journey is either pleasant or unpleasant.
Whether it is language, beliefs and/or religion, these differences can clash. OR NOT. I often ponder if it has anything to do with luck.
The old adage "birds of a feather flock together" is based on the phenomenon that people with similar interests and values are attracted to each other. How true is this?
While common interests is not the only aspect of a relationship, your interests and values do have an impact on how you interact with your partner.
Individuals within a particular social class generally share common experiences, such as a similar level of education and type of work.
Factors such as personality or education can give one person an edge over the other, leading to the
stronger personality or more highly educated person having more power in the relationship.
Individualistic people(such as Europeans and Americans) value
personal independence, whereas collectivists(Asians and many African cultures) value duty to a group, specifically to one’s family.
What are the beliefs each of you holds for what makes a relationship happy?
What is expected in a relationship in your culture versus your partner's?
Each culture socializes men and women to know and accept a particular script, like a movie script, for what happens in relationships.
For instance, in Indian culture,
parents are highly involved in the spouse selection process, sometimes to the point where a marriage is completely arranged by the parents.
In Tanzanian culture, it is common practice(and generally accepted)for men to have sexual relationships with women other than their wives.
Is your script for your relationship the
same as your partner’s? Does his/her culture heavily emphasize on a man’s earning capacity and ambition? Does
your culture emphasize on good looks and attractiveness?
People marry into their own class. It's called "assortative mating". You know this by looking around, yet there's such profound squeamishness about it that research tends to cluster around
class proxies.
So what's it actually like, when you don't mate assortatively?
Few examples are:
-You're from a more richer background than your partner.
-Your partner has attained higher levels of education than you have.
-Your parents don't support your relationship because your partner is from a different ethnic group or country.
-You and your partner speak different languages.
Relationships are hard enough without differences in values, principles, interests, and family backgrounds. When these differences add more strain to your relationship, it can be very frustrating.
And when your partner leaves you because of these differences, it is even more frustrating.
If two people are attracted to each other and in love, can they build a lasting relationship in spite of very different cultural, ethnic and social backgrounds?
Unfortunately, the answer is “it depends”. Sometimes, it's not easy to be dealt with; sometimes, it is.
No matter how difficult it is, you and your partner should be willing to talk about it with each other. Be honest about how you feel regarding the differences.
If you want to continue with the relationship, there will be a lot of barriers which you will have to overcome. Overcoming the hurdles will not be easy. Recognize that it'll be a bumpy road.
But how far are you willing to go? How much are you willing to work at
your relationship to sustain it? Will you be able to handle the pressure from family and friends?
Before you plunge, take time to assess yourself, your partner and your relationship. If you think your relationship is doomed, then you may be headed for a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nobody knows that more than you do.
Good luck!

This article is dedicated to Charles Fordjour and Prince Reginald Amihere. Thanks so much for suggesting this topic.

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DIVORCE : ITS EFFECTS ON CHILDREN

Divorce is the legal dissolution of marriage. Marriage is not always finalized in a court of law. Atleast, not in this part of the world. For that reason, separation and divorce will be used interchangeably in this article.
Separation is never easy. Not for the parents or their children. Family members and friends are caught in this web too.
Divorce introduces a massive change into the life of a boy or girl no matter what the age is. Witnessing loss of love between parents, having parents break their marriage commitment, adjusting to going back and forth between two different homes, and the daily absence of one parent while living
with the other, all create a challenging new family circumstance to live in.
BEFORE THE DIVORCE :
The child's world is a dependent one, closely connected to parents who are favored companions, heavily reliant on parental care, with family being the major locus of his/her social life.
AFTER THE DIVORCE :
The child's world is an independent one, more separated and distant from parents, more self-sufficient, where friends have become favored companions, and where the major locus of one's social life now extends outside of family into a larger world of life experience.
So much is different, new unpredictable, and unknown that life becomes filled with scary questions.
"What is going to happen to next?" "Who will take care of me?"
"If my parents can lose love for each other, can they lose love for me?"
It creates unfamiliarity, instability, and insecurity, never being able to be with one parent without having to be apart from the other.
If the parents are dramatic, the child is accused of spending more time with the father more than the mother and vice - versa.
Each time the child sees friends and their parents together, it reminds him/her of home...broken home...It tears him/her apart.
Some separated parents are fond of referring the child to the other parent for money and other needs. This is terribly frightening. Moreover, when the child goes to the other parent for the money, he/she is referred back to the one who did the first referral. It's exhausting.
The child grows up to the age of marriage and the prospective in-laws are very concerned about the family situation. They think the child will turn out like the parents. Sighs. Some people are like that.
Convincing a child of the permanence of divorce can be hard when his/her intense longing fantasizes that somehow, mom and dad will be living back together again someday. He/she relies on wishful thinking to help allay the pain of loss, holding onto hope for the parents' reunion.
There can be separation anxieties, crying in bed, depression, clinging, whining, tantrums, temporary loss of established self-care skills, etc.
The more independent-minded child tends to deal more aggressively with divorce; often reacting in a mad, rebellious way, more resolved to disregard family discipline and take care of his/herself since parents have failed to keep commitments to family that were originally made.
This could be positive or negative. The child could be determined to excel in studies in order to make a good living. Or indulge in prostitution, drugs, robbery, etc.
Children with divorced parents are likely to be very emotional. The slightest doubt you give them, they are scared you'll leave them. This puts a strain on their relationships.
Some separated parents fight over which school the child will go to and who will finance it, who takes custody of the child, etc. They do this trying to get back at each other. But, it's the child that suffers. He/she is put in the middle and sometimes even pushed to choose between both parents.
Separated parents should make it a priority to restore their child's trust in security, familiarity, and dependency. That is, providing continual reassurance that the parents are as lovingly connected to the child
as ever, and are committed to making this new family arrangement work.
Atleast, since the old one didn't.

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This article is dedicated to Chinwe Doris. Thank you, once again, for suggesting this topic.

COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONSHIPS

Building healthy communication patterns early in your relationship can establish a solid foundation for the long run.
Heathy communication is crucial to conflict resolution. Some people see conflict as a threat to their relationships. They work to avoid it at all cost. However, accumulated and unaddressed conflict is the real threat. Conflict is inevitable. It all depends on how you handle it.
'Edit' yourself. Don't say all the angry things you're thinking. Take some time to cool off before you address an issue. Know the right time to address an issue. Don't be a time bomb waiting to explode. Contrary to previous notions,
the best time to resolve a conflict may not be always be immediately. Don’t interrupt your partner when he's watching a sports game, when she's watching a TV show, or about to go to sleep. Tell your partner you would like to talk later and find a time when you’re both not doing anything important. Don’t start serious conversations in public places.
Be a good listener. Don't interrupt.Take turns to speak. Rather than being busy formulating what your response will be in your head, focus on what your partner is saying. Fingers shaking? Many of us are guilty as charged. When your partner is talking, you just can't wait for him/her to conclude, so that you also say your mind. Check out what you heard your partner say. Don't assume. If you don't understand what he/she said, ask questions. Make eye
contact when speaking. Sit up and
face your partner. Let your partner
know you’re listening.
When we communicate, we can say a lot without speaking. Our body posture, tone of voice and the expressions on our face all convey a message. Often, the non -verbal communication gets ‘heard’ and believed, more than what we are saying. Notice whether your body language reflects what you are saying.
Most couples will encounter some issues upon which they won't completely agree with each other. Rather than continuing a cycle of repeated fights, agree to disagree and move on. Negotiate a compromise or find a way to work around the issue.
A clear message involves a respectful but direct expression of your wants and needs. Take some time to identify what you really want before talking to
your partner. Describe your request in clear, observable terms. For example, you might say, "I would like you to hold my hand more often" rather than the vague, "I wish you were more affectionate."
Speak up when you’re upset. Don't bottle it in and then one day when you can't anymore, you rain fire and brimstone on your partner.
Once you do mention your hurt feelings
and your partner sincerely apologies,
let it go. Don’t bring up past issues if
they're irrelevant.
Building a good relationship is not one-sided. Both you and your partner have to put in efforts for it to work. Don't forget that healthy communication is the key.
It's vital to also maintain rapport with other people in your life, besides your lover. Could be your employer/employee, colleagues, church members, family members and friends.
Good relationships help connect you. It might help you get a new job, gain admission or solve any kind of problem you have.

This article is dedicated to Queen Duke, Julius Ukwama and Etietop Sureboi_Davis. Thanks for suggesting this topic.

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JUVENILE DELINQUENCY

The subject matter of ‘Juvenile Delinquency’ is far too complex a theme to be assessed or even properly evaluated in a simple article such
as this.
According to Encyclopedia Britannica, juvenile delinquency is ‘criminal behaviour carried out by a non-adult…’
To accurately define may be impossible, but to evaluate the way in which society judges those who fall under this term of ‘juvenile delinquency’ would not be very hard.
By simply examining the words we associate to the term (such as violence, vandalism, drugs, rape, robbery and fighting, etc), it is plain to see
they all originate from a pool of negative and immoral lexis.
Nevertheless it would be wrong to think that negative features of society, including the widespread availability and consumption of alcohol, are not contributing to the detriment of
the juvenile.
Our youths of today find sex, drugs and alcohol, and the pressure to indulge in them impossible to resist. Whether it be from friends, television,
Internet, publications and even now billboards on the streets, the message society sends to the juvenile is to over indulge in pleasure and practise the activities that can provide it, forgetting to add that they are also deemed as immoral, illegal and will more than likely cause huge problems in the way you live your life. A
Utopian lifestyle where liberal sex does not produce sexually transmitted diseases, excessive alcohol never leads to addictions and illegal drugs are
safe to use even though you are never sure what you are taking in.

“IF PARENTS DON’T RAISE THEIR CHILDREN, THEN THEIR PEERS AND THE MASS MEDIA WILL, AND SOCIETY MAY NOT BE HAPPY WITH THE RESULTS.” - Stephen Johnson.

In a society where parents are spending lesser time with their children, and are replaced with pop superstars and movie actors/actresses, how can we expect the lifestyle of our
young ones to remain good and moral? If their newfound role models are sexually promiscuous,smoke and drink heavily, use crime to fund a lazy lifestyle, are violent towards each other, degrading towards the opposite sex and ‘get away with it’, can the juvenile really be blamed for becoming delinquent claiming full responsibility for his or her acts of immorality? Ultimately, yes. Because the first
and most valuable lesson society will teach us all, even if our parents refuse to, is that everyone suffers the consequences of their own
actions.

This article is dedicated to Viggo Frank. Thank you, once again, for suggesting this topic.

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HIDDEN IDENTITY : WHO IS BEHIND THE MASK?

Every now and then, I see love posts on social networks. Sounds sweet, doesn't it? It makes you happy when your partner makes you feel special.
However, what I can't comprehend is why there's a "you know yourself" or a "you know who you are" attached to it.

For examples,
*"I love you, babe. You know yourself".
* "She's the best thing that has ever happened to me. You know who you are.".
*"My man takes good care of me. You know yourself ".
 
Seriously? What does that even mean?
Maybe you don't want the public to know who you're dating. Atleast, not yet.
Are you a celebrity? If you answered yes to that question, I'd try to understand. From your point of view, that is. Notwithstanding, there are celebrities that have boldly stated whom they are dating.
And oh, 'celebrity' here means 'a person who has a high degree of recognition by the general population; a famous person'.
Note by the general population. Not in your family, church, school or locality. Most people think they're celebrities when thirty(30) people know them. Some even think they're celebrities when they associate with celebrities. It's not bad to dream big....I'm just saying. You're not a celebrity...not yet.

People will comment:
* "Who is she"?
*" Who's the lucky guy"?
Yet, there'll be no straight answer to any of these questions. Your partner won't mention your name. Not at all.
For goodness' sake, it's not a movie. Who do you want to put in suspense?

Oh, Yakky. Don't be like that. I know he/she loves me. There's really no need for him/her to add my name there. I know it's addressed to me.

Were you thinking that?
Well, I'm so sorry. Not to be a killjoy or anything of the sort...but, make an in depth of your relationship. In three words, SHINE YOUR EYES.
If you and your partner have agreed to keep the relationship on low-key, due to personal reasons, it's okay. If not, this is a bad sign. A very bad sign.
Probably, your partner is cheating on you. How can he/she publicly address you? Your partner dare not type your name on that post. Not when his/her other lover(s) are on that social network. Or friends of his/her other lover(s). If it's a lover, you're lucky, kind of. It could be worse, lovers.
Or it could be that your partner is operating from a place of uncertainty. He/she isn't sure if you're 'the one'. Meanwhile, we all want to be the one, the last one. If your partner is uncertain about your position in his/her life, hmmmm. This is a talk for another day.
It's possible that your partner is just doing that for no reason. Maybe he/she doesn't even expect you to be bothered by it. If you aren't bothered by it, (and you should be bothered) you can keep quiet and decide to overlook it. It's up to you.
I'm giving it to you raw. Not sugar-coated. That's the way it is. May the odds-on ever be in your favor. Amen?

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THE SOCIETY TODAY : INDISCIPLINE AND DISRESPECT

Indiscipline is a lack of control in behavior.
To disrespect someone is to act in an insulting way towards them. When you disrespect people, you think very little of them.
If you're disrespectful, it screams indiscipline and vice-versa.
People will want to know where you come from and who your parents are. Then, they'll come to a conclusion : you weren't well brought-up. Or worse, like father, like son / like mother, like daughter. Your parents will be blamed.
At times, when people make the assumptions that you're following your parent(s)' negative footsteps, it isn't always correct.
Who knows how much your parents have strove to imbibe good traits in you, and yet you wouldn't heed to them?
I feel sorry for such parents.
Indiscipline and disrespect are both causes for alarm in our contemporary society. Some of us are too pertinacious. It is terrible.
I am a firm believer of 'Age is just a number. Maturity is a state of mind'. It is common among youths, but some adults are guilty of indiscipline and disrespect. And it is very sad. You see an adult whom you believed would be disciplined, but oh, the result is a total turn - off.
One favourite saying of mine, ' respect is reciprocal' is on the verge of losing its meaning. You aren't respectful to elders or even your peers. Yet you expect another person to respect you. My friend, it's impossible. Karma will come right back and bite you somewhere.... We all need a little respect from others and to give it in return.
You walk about with your hands in your pockets, pulling a 'swag'. Needless to say that you don't notice anybody. You are your own authority.
You're sitting in a room. An elderly person comes in and there's no vacant seat. What do you do? I'll leave that one to you and your conscience.
Nowadays, greeting an elderly person is a problem. There are households where youths wake up and go about their normal chores without greeting their parents. Forget siblings, relatives or neighbors; they don't even cross their minds. Meanwhile, you'll be surprised at how they hail their friends.
Talking down and talking back at people are very frightening forms of disrespect. These actions are rude, impolite and offensive.
Some would argue that parents, teachers and society should shoulder
some of the blame for the indiscipline and disrespect amongst today's youths.
The norms and values of each
community must be transmitted and maintained in order for indiscipline and disrespect to be curbed.
If we desire the appreciation of others, we have to exemplify that respect.
Consistently giving respect to all and discouraging hurtful remarks or gossip would certainly help.

This article is dedicated to Prince Reginald Amihere and David. Thank you so much for suggesting this topic.

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VERBAL ABUSE

Whoever made up that rhyme about “sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me” was just plain wrong!
Words do hurt. They can break a person on the inside just as surely as a whack with a stick bruises the outside. People who are subjected to verbal abuse suffer. Verbal abuse is common in both sexes.
Abuse is improper or excessive use of priviledge. Verbal abuse is the excessive use of language to undermine someone's dignity and security through insults and humiliation, in a sudden or repeated manner.
Most people don't know how to talk. Not that they are dumb; it means their talking manners equals zero.
Some verbal abuse behaviors include:
* Calling you names.
* Yelling and screaming at you.
* Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior.
*Threatening to commit suicide to keep
you from breaking up with them.(Gosh! I hate this one)
*Threatening to harm you or people you care about.
*Threatening to expose your secrets.
*Starting rumors about you.
A relationship can be unhealthy or
abusive even without physical
violence. Verbal abuse may not cause
physical damage, but it does cause
emotional pain and scarring. It can
also lead to physical violence if the
relationship continues on the
unhealthy path it's on.
When you're in a relationship with an a verbally abusive person, you walk on eggshells.
Threats are designed to frighten us and verbally beat us into submission.
A verbal abuser rarely takes responsibility for his/her part of a problem.
Verbal abuse creates emotional pain
and mental anguish in its target.
Sometimes verbal abuse is so bad that
you actually start believing what your
partner says.
You begin to think you’re stupid, ugly or fat. You agree that nobody else would ever want to be in a relationship with you.
Constantly being criticized and told
you aren’t good enough causes you to
lose confidence and lowers your self
esteem.
Talk to someone you trust; a parent, friend or pastor about the situation and make a safety plan .

This article is dedicated to Agyeiwaa Mercy and Queen Duke. Thank you for suggesting this topic.

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JUST FRIENDS, JEALOUSY JUST?

Ha! Why do I have a feeling that this one will not be easy? Okay, let's see.
There's this friend of yours. You're just friends,nothing more or less. Yet, you feel jealous when you see an opposite sex get too close for comfort. Is it okay for you to feel jealous?
You're not alone. It happens every now and then. Most people just won't talk about it, you know, because they probably feel guilty or ashamed.

I'm jealous, but I'd never admit it. I'm jealous, but I'd never tell him. I'm jealous of what's not mine. Not angry, not upset. Just jealous. When I think He likes someone else, I retaliate with silence and I-could-care-less. Ha-ha that's so funny. Click <<http://yakadams7.blogspot.com/2014/12/i-jealous.html>> to read the full poem.

I wrote that poem merely from a feminine point of view. It doesn't mean that this article is about ladies only. If you're a male and it pertains to you, replace 'him' with 'her' and 'he' with 'she'. Yea, that's more like it. 
Is it wrong to feel jealous? Jealousy is an emotion. You feel happy, you feel horny, you feel jealous, you feel hungry. You feel emotions. They aren't right or wrong. What you DO is right or wrong.
Jealousy is a bit different from other emotions in that it is a feeling made up of other feelings, usually insecurity and fear of loss.
Your friend talks to other people of the opposite sex and your emotions start whispering in your ears that maybe he/she likes them more than you, maybe they're more interesting than you, maybe they're cleverer than you, maybe erm... he/she would rather be with them than with you. The list goes on and on. Wham! You're jealous.
It would be easier if you both were in a serious relationship. But you aren't.
There's nothing wrong with being jealous. However, too much of it can be toxic. It has to be in the right dosage, even the smallest bit extra might be too much to digest.
An explanation for this is that you like him/her. You're attracted to him/her. I think that you are jealous of this "friend" because you're afraid the "like" is not mutual; hence,you feel insecure and vulnerable. Congrats, and welcome to the club! You are left wondering where you stand with him/her. This is limbo land...not a good place to be.
Try to unravel any expectations you have. He/she hasn't given you a commitment and so anything you may expect comes from you and you alone.
Liking someone is great, but when you put a lot of energy and thought toward someone,you're investing in them.
Only invest in those who invest back in you. Remind yourself that he/she is allowed to talk to and flirt with whomever he/she likes. The jealousy comes from you, own it.
You could open up your feelings straight up to the person. Well, you may be rejected or accepted. Be ready to face whatever comes your way.
Fortunately or unfortunately, he/she may notice your jealousy and ask why you get jealous. If he/she likes you back, a relationship might grow. If he/she doesn't like you back, you'll get a "sorry, we can be just friends and nothing more."
Ahem....I wish you the best of luck.

This article is dedicated to Nana Yaw Amoako Ojampa. Once again, thank you so much for suggesting this topic.

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THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY

Who do you include in your list of "family"? Could be people related to you by blood, your spouse or friends who have stood by you through thick and thin.
In a world of adversities, it is crucial to make our families the center of our lives.

"Familes are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy. Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we're related for better or for worse...and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum " - Rick Riordan

Families provide a sense of belonging,give identity and provide support. Your family is made up of the people you care about and the people who care about you.
The family is the most important unit of any society. It is the first learning place of an individual.

The family systems works like a chain. Younger people learn from elders while elders depend on younger people as time goes on. Click <<http://yakadams7.blogspot.com/2014/12/spending-quality-family-time.html>> to read my article on spending quality family time.

Family members support you in different ways whether it be financially or morally. Mutual affection, trust and distribution of responsibilities in the family are the things that strengthen this relationship.
When family members are scattered hither and yon, you'll probably be both happily surprised and disheartened to find out just how close – and distant – they really are.

"When everything goes to hell, the people standing by you without flinching, they are your family." - Jim Butcher

Unfortunately, your family can make and/or break you. Not all families are "great". There's that parent who is difficult to cope with, the rude sister, the holier-than-thou cousin and the too-knowing friend. Most people pay more attention to strangers than to their family members. This is really sad.

In some cases, you find yourself torn in-between two family members who have a squabble. At the least word you speak or action you take, you're accused of taking sides.
People define your family based on your actions.
Try as much as you can to support your family members and be there for them, always.

This article is dedicated to Katey Dela a.k.a D'Bush Gh. Thanks, once again, for suggesting this topic.

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FASHION'S SANCTITY IN CHRISTIANITY

Can Fashion And Christianity Co-Exist?

"What you wear is how you present yourself to the world, especially today when human contacts go so fast. Fashion is instant language." - Miuccia Prada.

Most of the time, women come to our minds when we hear 'fashion'. For this purpose, 80% of this article is about women and fashion. The remaining 20% is about men.
It’s all about your heart, right? Who cares if your dress is years outdated and shabby? Why should it bother you if your hair and nails are untidy? It should be nobody's business if you expose your cleavage and wear miniskirts on the street. It doesn't matter if you sag and your underwear is exposed, afterall that's what is in vogue. As long as you know Christ deep in your heart, it’s all good. Unfortunately, this is what some people think.
God was very particular about the quality and cleanliness of the priest’s garments (Exodus 28:2).
There's also the virtuous woman who is not only clothed in “strength and dignity,” but her clothes are “well-made and elegant” as well (Proverbs 31: 22, 25).
In many circles, fashion has come to symbolize vanity, materialism and extravagance. I read this somewhere(don't ask me where; I've forgotten): "most people spend money they don't have to buy things they don't need to please people they don't like". Or in some cases, people they like. You know that feeling of wanting to fit in? You've seen two or more people wearing it and you want to wear it also. Some people even go as far as borrowing money just to look good. These people would rather have clothes and shoes to wear than have food to eat!

"Fashion is not just beauty, it is about good attitude" - Adriana Lima

Those who have strict parents have resorted to dressing decently at home, (especially when going to church) and indecently in school or any other place their parents are not around. They have double or more identities. Have you ever seen a friend somewhere and you didn't recognize him/her because of the dressing? Right.
There is one biblical principle that sums up all of God’s guidelines pertaining to appearance ( 1 Corinthians 6 : 19 ). However, the ways in which we demonstrate “ the body is a temple ” thing has caused some serious conflict.
Theologists have given their own explanation of how they understand the Bible when it comes to fashion. Church members practice what is preached to them in their churches. There's the issue of prohibition against wearing the opposite sex's clothing (Deutronomy 22 : 5 ). Some Christians consider it unacceptable for a woman to wear trousers because it is a man's clothing. Other Christians argue that trousers are gender - based.
A more current disagreement has developed over the issue of pop culture icons ’ and musicians ’ names and likenesses printed on clothing. To some Christians, wearing a Coldplay shirt amounts to idolatry and or even paganism, but to others it’s a mere “Hey, this is my favorite band and I am letting y’all know! ”
Tattoos and piercings are also serious topics of debates. Most guys pierce their ears, most ladies open 3 or more holes on their ears while some pierce their tongues. To them, it's a way of adoring their bodies. To others, it is a turn-off.

"I dress for the image. Not for myself. Not for the public. Not for fashion. Not for men." - Marlene Dietrich

These two passages ( 1 Timothy 2 : 9 - 10 and 1 Peter 3 : 2 - 5 ) are interpreted by some Christians as a sermon against jewelry, weavons/braids, make-up and fashion. To others, the passages make the point that a person's true beauty comes from within and is properly expressed through good deeds, rather than showy clothing and jewelry. For them, the advice is simply to dress modestly and in good taste.
But engaging in argument rarely ahieves anything productive in the quest to practically reconcile fashion and Christianity within the context of modern living. It gets complicated. It’s conservatism versus liberalism, and there is no easy answer.
Ha! I know you are wondering what my own opinion is. Well, here it is. Let us be fashionable without sacrificing our modesty and dignity. Always remember, you'll be addressed by what you wear.

This article is dedicated to Maxwell Boateng a.k.a Inspector Gadgeto. Thank you, once again, for suggesting this topic.

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