How Nigerians Celebrate Independence Day

Nigeria celebrates her independence every year on October 1st. Even Nigerians in diaspora do not fail to partake in this homage paid to the freedom fighters and other national leaders who fought for the independence of Nigeria from the colonial rule. The celebration is an ideal platform for national integration in Nigeria.

The President broadcasts a live speech on television and radio to mark the commencement of Independence Day celebrations. There will be flag raising ceremony to honor the nation. The armed forces parades with cultural dancers are followed after the Presidential speech.

Below are the major Independence Day Quotes from President Buhari's speech I loved most:
1. No temporary problems or passing challenges should stop us from honoring this day. Let us remind ourselves of the gifts God has given us.

2. We have all the attributes of a great nation. We are not there yet because the one commodity we have been unable to exploit to the fullest is unity of purpose.

3. Whatever one’s views are, Nigerians must thank former President Jonathan for not digging-in in the face of defeat and thereby saving the country untold consequences.

4. Every new government inherits problems. Ours was no different. But what Nigerians want are solutions, quick solutions not a recitation of problems inherited.

5. We must change our lawless habits, our attitude to public office and public trust. We must change our unruly behavior in schools, hospitals, market places, motor parks, on the roads, in homes and offices. To bring about change, we must change ourselves by being law-abiding citizens.

There are different ways Nigerians mark this day. In celebrating Nigeria at 55, some citizens will mark the day in one or two of the following ways:
1. Recreation - Some Nigerians will go to different recreation centres such as beaches, amusement parks, etc.

2. Sleep and Rest - Due to the stress some Nigerians pass through between Mondays and Fridays, they will use the public holiday declared for Independence to sleep and rest. Such people will not leave their homes.

3. Visitation - Nigerians who have not had the time to say hello to their friends for a while will do so.

4. Social Media Buzz - Nigerians who love interacting on social media will take to the platform to express their views on how far Nigeria has come since independence. Some will criticize the government and tell people that there's no reason to celebrate. While others will give appreciate the government and hope for more to come.

5. Partying - Some people will organise concerts to mark the Independence anniversary.

6. Follow the Media - People will follow the media to listen to the president’s speech and know how other Nigerians are celebrating.

7. Sports - This is common with men and the youths. Neighbourhoods without football pitches will have the streets turned into football fields.

8. Independence Parade - Students across nursery, primary and secondary institutions will wear their school uniforms and march at stadiums. It will be competitive and winners are announced. Dancers are not left behind as culture will be displayed.

At the end of the day, some friendships will be destroyed as people disagree over the state of the nation, families will be broken as drunk men beat up their wives and children.

While we celebrate the Independence day, let us remember Aesop’s The Bundle of Sticks. This short fable tells of a man whose sons often quarrel among themselves. To show them the benefit of working together, he brings them a bundle of sticks. He asks them to break the bundle of sticks. As expected, the brothers
cannot break the sticks when they are together. However, they can easily be broken individually.

The moral of this story is written as:
My sons, if you are of one mind, and unite to assist each other, you will be as this bundle, uninjured by all the attempts of your enemies; but if you are divided among yourselves, you will be broken as easily as these sticks.

Long live Nigeria!
God bless Nigeria!

Sunday

Well, when I woke up this

Morning, it was a Sunday.
The birds were singing the
Night away. Someone was
Playing Gospel songs three
Rooms away from mine. Haha!
They do that only on Sundays!

With sleepy eyes, I stumble out
Of bed. First to the refrigerator
For a glass of water. It is my
Room, remember? I know my
Way around. Switching on the
Light, I glance at the wall clock.
It's 5 o'clock and I'm feeling fine.

My stocking is on the chair. My
7 New Week Resolutions are
Pinned on the wall. I think about
The past week and I tell you, I
Almost cried. Ever had some
Crazy weeks? Phew! That one
Was right at the top of my list.

So, it's all the best for the week
Ahead. Well, I hope so. Now, my
Eyes are sharp. Not in the least
Way am I staggering. I bowed
And I prayed. I actually rushed
Because I had to prepare for
Church. I didn't want to be late.

I hadn't ironed my dress. I hadn't
Prepared the accessories I'd use.
Maybe I should have woken up
Earlier. I shrugged. It wasn't time
To lay blames. Multitasking has
Always been my thing. Today,
It came in handy. It had to.

I stood in front of the mirror.
Alas! I was dazed at what I saw.
It was worth it, after all. I couldn't
Bring myself to glance at the clock.
As I dashed off, I could only hope
I wasn't late. You should have seen
Me this Sunday. I looked superb.

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The Time Is Now

Guest Post By 'Kemy Austine'

Some years ago, there was a strong debate about Jesus being black! If true, then one can infer that God is black, since Jesus is God (The Trinitarian Logic). Haha, would God being black make any difference in the world today? I think that if the postulation of Egypt being the cradle of scholarship has exterminated the myth of Greece being the birthplace of education, then the thought of God being black would change a whole lot of things.

I love being black. Africa has been blessed beyond measure in many facets of life; blessed with human resources in abundance, natural resources are copious and a galore of intellectual juggernauts whose dexterity hold me spellbound. All these resources were given by God to be harnessed, explored and used for the sole purpose of sustaining His creation. Our forebears did try their best in the maintenance of these gifts, everything went on smoothly, and they were at ease with the beauty of nature which they admired with great devotion.

Suddenly, there arrived men whose colour contradicted theirs, whose language they understood not, whose clothing differed and whose God was Supreme. Africans due to their nature of hospitality, embraced these strangers with a welcome kiss. Many persons today think of that kiss as being “crazy". 

The sincere kiss from Africans was turned to the betrayal kiss like that of Judas, a kiss that became even more painful than the stab of Caesar by his boon companion, Brutus. These men in a trice, sapped the vigour of our youths in enslavement, the gifts given by God to be harnessed were exploited, we had no say over our acreages, our rulers became vassals, our queens became maids, the altars of our forebears were desecrated and our fate was doom.

However, when I sit back and reflect, I do bless God for the gifts of intellect which He has lavished on Africans. I also thank our heroes who fought for our independence. Indeed, they taught us that the coinage of Edward Bulwer-Lytton “The pen is mightier than the sword” is not only idealistic but could be realistic.

Today, we rule our world. Indeed, we are “free”, but enslaved; enslaved by greed, enslaved by clannishness, enslaved by corruption and above all, our youths, our future, our hope for tomorrow, are enslaved by “trivialities.” With these evidence, one is tempted to give a strong credence to the writing of Jean Jacque Rousseau “man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains.”

A good chunk of my academic pursuit has been in Africa (Nigeria). During the course of my study, I discovered that Africans have “excellent brains.” My contact with some South Africans and Ghanaians in the nursery, a good rapport with some Cameroonian and Equatorial Guinean students in the Secondary and the excellent relationship which I still relish with some of them has proven without reasonable doubt that these guys are really talented! My Nigerian brothers/sisters were and are still exceptional.

Blacks today produce excellent personalities, the likes of Obama, Ben Carson, Philip Emeagwali, etc. But a great majority of us are doomed to ill augury; the future is indeed bleak. Yet, I have a strong conviction that all hope is not lost.Recently, I read about a ten year old Nigerian in Diaspora by name Esther Okade, who has been described as “a marvellous mathematical mind.” She sat for her first math GSCE exam, a British high school qualification, at Ounsdale High School in Wolverhampton at the age of six, where she received a C–grade, she tried again the next year and got an A- grade. She also attempted an A-level math exam at the age of nine and bagged a B-grade. This is just one out of many Africans who are immensely blessed.

From my daily encounter, I have come in contact with very smart and intelligent African youths. But, one thing I have discovered is that about 70% of our youths have misplaced their values, and one of the significant values displaced is time. Time, said William Penn, is what we want most, but what we use worst. A writer once advised that everyone should know the value of time; snatch, seize and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination and most significantly, we should never put off till tomorrow what we can do today. But the heart rending questions remain - How much time do our youths put into study? How much time do we allot to the Author of time? How much time do we dedicate to our places of work? How much time do we give to our environs and our neighbours? The answers, my friends, are blowing in the wind.

Every important event you attend today, the “African time syndrome” echoes time and again, but you can never hear that syndrome when it comes to trifles. The church is bedevilled with this syndrome, the schools are plagued by it, hospitals are discombobulated and offices are the leading lights of this syndrome. Every day we produce new versions of this syndrome, we live this syndrome daily and a few even “succeed” with this syndrome.

But, how many times have our youths applied this African time to football matches? How many times have they lived out this syndrome when it comes to their weekend football bets and gambling? How many times has this syndrome been applied to immoral behaviours like sexual immorality, cultism, drug abuse, exam malpractices and the likes? The answer once again, is blowing in the wind!

Time makes the differences between us. While some use time, many abuse it and others misuse it. Not to be at the receiving end of time, you must always use time so as not to abuse it. One unfortunate thing about time is that you cannot make up for lost time, the clock never stops ticking but all you can do is to better the future. Yeah, time flies, but you are the pilot!

In the end, you will have no pangs of conscience for not having passed one more trial, not winning one more time over someone, or closing one more treaty. "Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present" - Roger Babson

About The Author

The author is a faceless contested philosopher and writer. 'Kemy Austine' is his pen name. According to him, he writes because he wants to learn how to do it better.

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Trying To Sleep

Somewhere,
A cow mews.
Elsewhere,
A dog barks.

A car shifts
Gears as i shift
Sides on my bed.
A baby wails.

A bird hoots,
Wind blows,
Trees rustle,
Twigs fall off.

Roaring cheers
About a TV match.
Oh, how I curse
Technology.

A bunch of teens
Giggle away, a 
Door bangs in
The hallway.

Soft taps of rain,
Thunder roars.
Unshut windows
And latches rattle.

A medley of 
Noises. A pillow 
Atop my ears, 
I try to rest.

I cover my ears,
A feeble attempt
At decibel-arrest,
All to no avail.

I want to scream 
At the world and
Its noises of all 
Kinds and creed.

Can someone let 
The world know,
I am desperately
Trying to sleep.

AKSSAG Carnival

Akwa Ibom state was created out of
Cross River State on 23rd September, 1987. In lieu of this, Akwa Ibom State Students' Association of Ghana (AKSSAG) is holding a street cultural carnival.

Akwa Ibom State Student's Association of Ghana (AKSSAG) constitutes students from Akwa Ibom state in Ghana and is an umbrella for them.

This association is legally registered and recognized by National Association of Nigerian Students (NANS), Nigerian High Commission, Akwa-cross Association and other students' bodies.

AKSSAG cuts across all spheres of ethnic groups in Akwa Ibom state. AKSSAG has successfully carved a niche for itself among students' bodies in Ghana and it has the potential of affecting positively all Akwa Ibomites schooling in Ghana. 
Also, AKSSAG hopes to remain undaunted in achieving feats such as scholarships and protection for its members.

This maiden event is slated for 23rd September, 2015. A day when Akwa Ibomites once again, celebrate the birth of their motherland, the Land of Promise, Akwa Ibom state.

This carnival promises to be a five-star event. Nigerians from other tribes and people from other Nationalities in Ghana can participate. No matter your name or origin, it will be an explosion of creative energy, boisterous dance, pounding music and flamboyant costumes that combine into one heaving, sweaty orgy of color and sound. It will have it's own flavour.

Highlights of the event include:
Nigerian cultural dance,
Free drinks and food,
Parade through major Accra streets,
Music, and 
An after party at 7th Heaven Club.

You need to be there in order to get the complete picture, because your friend who left you behind, will not be able to give you the full gist.
You cannot afford to miss this super-packed event. You can fully expect to be swept up in the revelry of it all. Costumes cost only 20ghc.

My Society

Guest Post From Emediong Akpan

I come from a society,
Where people of different varieties,
Display their temperamental liberty.
Girls who have too much beauty,
Use if for immorality,
And they get full immunity,
As well as a handful of liberality.
That's the naivety of my society.

What a government,
Using us as instruments,
Promising a handful of improvement, Yet no bit of development,
When we ask, there's always disappointment.
They talk like serpents,
Promising to give treatment,
Yet they put us in displacements.

I have to mention,
This is a confession,
In form of a caution,
Or call it an instruction,
For my crew and association.
Take it as an inspiration.
In my society, there's much assassination,
So you have to be full of determination,
If not, you become a conviction
Of a certain assertion.

About the Author

Emediong Akpan is an ardent writer and thinker. Inspired by tribulations, he writes to keep himself sane. Click here to connect with Emediong on Facebook.

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The 21st Century Society

This is the 21st century. Of course, you already knew that. It began on January 1, 2001, and will end on December 31, 2100. Perhaps, you knew that too.

But that is not the point. The world is growing at a fast pace. The world population began the century at 6.1 billion and grew to about 7 billion within a decade. New inventions are being made. Have you heard of the selfie stick? Now, you can even take a selfie on a stick! Gone are the days of having your giant head (assuming your head is as big as mine) block out everything else in sight.

There is a debate among experts and the general public on how to pronounce specific years of the 21st century in English. Experts suggest that since former years such as 1805 and 1905 were commonly pronounced as 'eighteen oh five' and 'nineteen oh five', the year 2005 should naturally have been pronounced as 'twenty oh five'.
The early years of the 21st century were pronounced as 'two-thousand and five', with a change taking place in 2010, where pronunciation shifted between 'two-thousand and ten' and 'twenty-ten'.

With new technologies and the trend towards implantable electronics, it is only a matter of time before human bodies are composed more of inorganic materials than organic.
These electronic implants include digital wristwatches, horns, etc.
Where some people might be going more for shock value, others see body modifications as a form of art or self-expression. Teeth sharpening, ear elongations, lip plates, nose studs and giraffe necks, to name a few, beauty truly lies in the eye of the beholder.

The rise of multitasking has been fuelled by technology and by social
change as well. Your friends can reach you on your work email account at 10 o’clock in the morning, while your boss can reach you on your mobile phone at 10 o’clock at night. You can do your weekly shopping while sitting at your desk and you can handle a work query in the queue at the supermarket. Students do everything at once; flipping through homework while chatting on WhatsApp, listening to music and watching Game of Thrones.

21st Century worker-citizens need to be able to locate, assess, and represent new information quickly. They need to be able to communicate this to others, and to be able to work productively in collaboration with others. They need to be adaptable, creative and innovative, and to be able to understand things at a ‘big picture’ level.

The 21st century years have thus far been marked by the rise of a global economy and Third World consumerism, mistrust in government, deepening global concern over terrorism and an increase in the power of private enterprises.

Active conflicts continue around the world, including civil wars and xenophobic attacks. Nigeria has witnessed Boko Haram menace. Violence continues in the Arab–Israeli conflict.

Genocide still remains a problem in this century with the concern of the war in Darfur and the growing concern in Sri Lanka. Low estimates on the deaths in Darfur stand around 200,000 deaths with 2.5 million in displacement.

Concerns about stress from the overuse of mobile phones, the Internet and related technologies remain controversial.

Increasingly, the legal, social and military battle led by governments
against drug cartels around the world show little results in ending drug trading and consumption, and a constant increase in the lives taken from this struggle.

Horrible diseases have become pandemic. In 2014,Ebola virus broke out, prompting the largest ever epidemic, with more than 20,000 cases. AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria each kill over a million people annually. Antibiotic resistance, flu variations and SARS remain causes of concern.

Technology developments show no sign of slowing. Since the introduction of smartphones and tablets with 3G and 4G, mobile devices are connected with the internet.

Social networking has emerged as a popular social communication. Twitter, Facebook, Whatsapp, LinkedIn, YouTube, Google Plus, etc are major examples of social websites to gain widespread popularity.

Same-sex marriage has slowly become more accepted, and has become legal in some countries. Battles over pro- or anti-gay legislation has provoked much activism in the streets and on the Internet.

Microcredit lending has also started
to gain a profile as a useful anti-poverty tool in some parts of the world.

Climate scientists have postulated that the earth is undergoing significant anthropogenic (human-induced) global warming. The resulting economic and ecological costs are hard to predict.

The increasing popularity of digital formats for entertainment media such as movies and music, and the ease of copying and distributing it via the Internet and peer-to-peer networks, has raised concerns in the media industry about copyright infringement.

At the start of the 21st century, sports were very popular. Football is the most popular sport worldwide with the FIFA World Cup the most viewed football event. Clubs and jerseys. Football fans use their clubs' accesories (jerseys, wristbands, portraits, keyholders, etc) to demonstrate "Hey, this is my football club. Y'all got any problem with it?"

With all these, I'm not sure if we can actually say the world has become a BETTER place. Maybe. Maybe not.

I'VE BEEN THINKING

I've been thinking,
About a slice of pie
And everything else
That is so nice.

I've been thinking,
What if I slept and woke
After a 100 years, how
Would the world be?

I've been thinking,
About clouds in the sky
About rain, sun and moon
What if they weren't there?

I've been thinking,
About broken homes
About poverty, wars and
About deadly diseases.

I've been thinking,
About love and why
Charles Bukwoski said
It is like a dog from hell.

I've been thinking,
Do you think of me
As often as I do think
Of you or you don't?

I've been thinking,
About courage,
About passion and
Can happiness be bought?

I've been thinking,
When will the world
Come to an end and
Where will I be?

I've been thinking,
About wild,random thoughts.
I've been thinking, I know
And it scares me too.

I've been thinking,
And I've realized that
These thoughts...                                       They never end

TEENAGE PREGNANCY ON THE HIGH

In the pursuit of sexual success and fertility, teenagers have not been left behind. More and more teenagers are having unprotected sex, or that seems to be the impression.

What else is one expected to think when one's eyesight is constantly sored with pregnant teenagers walking around? These days, it is almost impossible to go to markets, schools, or churches and not see atleast one of such teenagers. Sometimes, you just need to take a walk down the road, and a teenager with a bulging stomach is sure to be there.

Sex act used to be practised mainly by elders and youths. Surprisingly, the case is the opposite currently. Teenagers have also jumped into the bandwagon of sex as they now form the majority of sex appealingness.

Young children in schools regard sex as a form of recreation, and this unfortunately has resulted in high teenage pregnancies in Akwa Ibom State. I cannot help but wonder if this proliferation is as a result of increasing sexual promiscuity in our society. This dangerous lifestyle is common. Nigeria Demographic and Health Survey has put the rate of child pregnancy in Akwa Ibom at 17%.

In a recent report by Etim Ekpimah, a group, The Excellence Community Education Welfare Scheme has expressed worry over the rising incidence of teenage pregnancy in Akwa Ibom. The Chief Executive Officer of the group, Mr. Andy Eyo described the figure as quite high. He said the issue of intergenerational sex where the older men continue to court younger children who do not have any access to information on how to negotiate for safe sex is deplorable.

A reliable source disclosed to me that last week, a girl of 13 years,Unyime(not real name) in a village in Etinan local government area died during childbirth. Her sister who is 11 years is also pregnant. What is happening in Akwa Abasi Ibom State? Whatever the causes are, it is evident that the dangers of impregnating teenagers at present and in the future, are great and far-reaching.

According to the United Nations Population Fund, "Pregnancies among girls less than 18 years of age have irreparable consequences. It violates the rights of girls, with life-threatening consequences in terms of sexual and reproductive health, and poses high development costs for communities, particularly in perpetuating the cycle of poverty". Health consequences include not yet being physically ready for pregnancy and childbirth leading to complications and malnutrition as the majority of adolescents tend to come from lower-income households.

The risk of maternal death for girls under age 15 is higher than for women in their twenties. Teenage pregnancy also affects girls’ education and income potential as many are forced to drop out of school which ultimately threatens future opportunities and economic prospects.

A study by the National Campaign to Prevent Teenage Pregnancy showed that nearly 1 in 4 teen mothers will experience another pregnancy within two years of having their first. Pregnancy and giving birth significantly increases the chance that these mothers will become high school dropouts.

Many teen parents do not have the intellectual or emotional maturity that is needed to provide for another life. Often, these pregnancies are hidden for months resulting in lack of adequate pre-natal care and dangerous outcomes for the babies. Most of the men who impregnate these teenagers do not take responsibilities for them while others opt for abortion.

Young mothers and their babies are at greater risk of contacting HIV and death. The World Health Organization estimates that the death following pregnancy is twice as high for women aged 15-19 than for those aged 20-24. The maternal mortality rate can be up to five times higher for girls aged 10-14 than for women aged 20-24.

Lack of education on safe sex is one of the major causes of teenage pregnancy. Many teenagers are not taught about methods of birth control and how to deal with peers who pressure them into having sex before they are ready. Many pregnant teenagers do not have any cognition of the central facts of sexuality.

The words 'sex' and 'condoms' are rated diabolical and vulgar. Parents dare not say it to the faces of their children. They hide behind the veil of Christianity, preaching abstinence-only sex education. Meanwhile, teenagers watch and read about sexual acts, and they are spurred to put it into practise.

When your girl-child brings back pregnancy home from school, you are flabbergasted. Why should you be flabbergasted? While you were inculcating the values of sex-abstinence, did you also teach her the ways of safe sex, just in case she defied you?

Inconsistent and/or incorrect use of condoms is also a problem. Adolescents may lack knowledge of, or access to conventional methods of preventing pregnancy, as they may be too embarrassed or frightened to seek such information. Young women are heavily influenced by negative, second-hand stories about methods of contraception from their friends and the media.

It is time for parents to ask themselves: 'Do our children receive our best spiritual, intellectual,  and creative efforts? Or do they just receive our leftover time and talents, after we have given our all to our church calling and professional pursuits?".

Teenage pregnancies are often associated with social issues, including lower educational levels, higher rates of poverty and other poorer life outcomes. Teenage pregnancy is usually outside of marriage and carries a social stigma. Early pregnancy may combine with malnutrition and poor health care to cause medical problems.

In trying to find out why teenage pregnancy is on the high, a woman told me that teenagers become uncontrollable at a particular stage of their lives and it takes much concentration of parents to notice this and re-direct them, because once they are not put right at this stage, it is finished. "Age discrepancy between the teenage girls and the men who impregnate them is an important contributing factor. Teenage girls are in relationships with older boys, and in particular with older men, and they engage in riskier, more frequent and promiscuous sex", she added.

A holistic approach is required in order to address teenage pregnancy. This means not focusing on changing the behaviour of girls, but addressing the underlying reasons of adolescent pregnancy such as poverty, gender inequality, peer pressure and coercion.

The approach should include providing age-appropriate comprehensive sexuality education for all young people, investing in girls' education, preventing child marriage and sexual violence, building gender-equitable society by empowering girls and engaging men and boys, ensuring adolescents access to sexual and reproductive health information, as well as services that welcome them and facilitate their choices. Abstinence-only sex education does not appear to be effective. Look around you, does it?

Help save our teenage girls and rescue them from this deadly peril. The call is for all well-meaning individuals and groups to put their resources to work in fighting a battle of psychological, physical, emotional and even spiritual dimensions. It will rescue us from the disaster of a lewd generation in the future.

THE LAST DARE

I remember that climb.
My heart pounded hard,
I thought everyone heard.
Halfway up, I froze.
I was too scared to continue.
But, I knew I couldn't go back.

I'd never hear the end of it.
So I kept climbing up and up.
Would I make it home safely?
I shivered, thinking of how
Unbelievably stupid I was
For accepting Glory's dare.

The day before, I arrived Uyo
To spend the holidays at home.
Oh, I was beyond super excited
To see my family and friends.
Glory and I went sightseeing.
She challenged me to jump
From the high dive.

The next thing I knew,I was
Standing in line with Glory
Beside me, explaining how to
Commit a "suicide". I just
Looked at her,thinking, I don't
Have to try to do a "suicide".

All I have to do is walk off
The board, and I'll die.
Talk about your dumb dares.
This one was certainly at the
Top of the list. Thankfully, it
Was a dream when I woke up.

I was so glad, but I was a little
Mad at myself for having gone
Through something so terrifying
Just so that I wouldn't seem like
A chicken. That was  when i made
Up my mind that I'll never be...

Pushed into doing anything I'm
Scared of, never! Everything I do
Will be for me, because I want to,
And not to prove anything to
Anyone. And neither should you.

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GET RID OF THAT TOXIC (WO)MAN

Trisha is one of my friends.
N/B : Trisha isn't her real name. And I have her permission to tell her story here.
She’s in her mid 20’s, smart and objectively sexy.
She met a man named Ben(not his real name) for a semi-spontaneous date at the end of April

.
The chemistry was electric. The food was delicious. The banter was intoxicating. The first kiss was breathtaking. One thing led to another, and the next thing Trisha knew, she was going at it with this virtual stranger in the back of his car!
Now, make no mistake: I am the LEAST judgmental person in the world about this kind of stuff.
Problem is that while it felt right “in the moment”, Trisha was a mess afterwards.

It wasn’t that she didn’t have a good time. She did. It wasn’t that Ben wasn’t a good guy. He was.
It’s that she hopped into bed with him before they’d established ANY sort of relationship. I’m pretty sure she didn’t even know his last name.
So although Ben politely texted her when she got home that first night, Trisha was on edge for days afterwards, waiting impatiently for a call from him.

Friday went by. Saturday went by. Sunday went by.

With each passing day, Trisha felt a rising anxiety. What had she done? Why did she feel this way? How could she stop obsessing?
Mercifully, Ben sent a text on Monday. Predictably, he acted like nothing whatsoever was wrong. In his mind, nothing whatsoever was wrong. He was just following up on the woman he’d slept with to see if she’d like to meet again.
He asked Trisha out the following Saturday. She said yes right away. Like magic, her mood lifted instantly. All because Ben, the cause of Trisha’s turmoil, had texted to save the day!

Saturday rolled around and it was another stupendous evening.
Food, laughter, and another dose of that AMAZING sex she’d just experienced the week before. Except this time, Trisha felt even WORSE afterwards.
It’s not that she hated herself for doing it. It’s not that she blamed Ben for participating in the act.
It’s that she simply could not handle the aftermath of no-strings-attached sex.
A few more days went by before Ben’s obligatory “When can I see you?” text.

Trisha was barely hanging on, so tortured was she by her intense chemical attraction towards Ben.
When she told me about it, she insisted that this was wasn’t just sexual. Trisha really liked Ben and was open to a relationship with him.
And then, almost accidentally, Trisha let something slip: Ben mentioned casually that he never wanted to get married.
Trisha didn’t think this was a big deal. She immediately tried to gloss over that one line, and wondered why I was making such a fuss.

“Trisha, you want to get married again one day, right?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“So why the HELL are you sleeping with a guy when you ALREADY KNOW that the relationship is ultimately doomed?”
After a few seconds of silence and looking at me in shock, Trisha admitted she had no good answer.
While she was still resistant, she agreed that cutting him loose was probably for the best.
Well, guess what?

Trisha didn’t cut off Ben. She only cancelled her third date with him by text. She didn’t have a conversation with him on the phone. She didn’t tell him what I told her to tell him. She didn’t tell him not to call and wish him the best.
Basically, she made it sound like something came up and she would later reschedule.
When I asked her why, she said, meekly, “The sex was really good...” before trailing off. I know that it’s probably a little frustrating to hear Trisha's story - her lack of willpower, her lack of backbone, her lack of boundaries.

It’s probably all the more frustrating because you know you’ve done the exact same thing. Maybe not having sex with a stranger. Maybe not have someone to push you to break up with him/her.
But I am 100% guaranteed that you’ve FOUGHT LIKE HELL to preserve a dysfunctional, objectively BROKEN relationship.

It doesn’t hold up to any logical scrutiny because the relationship isn’t making you happy - it’s making you miserable! Still, you hold on tenaciously, putting yourself through the emotional wringer even though the ending is never in doubt.

From this second forward, promise me one thing:
You will never fight to preserve a bad relationship that’s doomed - no matter how great the chemistry, how awesome the sex, how much you are in love, or how much time you’ve spent. If you're a man reading this and you're in Trisha's place, cut that woman off pronto.

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A GIRL I KNEW

Her eyes were at once her salvation and despair. 

They gave her the means of supporting life, 

but they made life hardly worth supporting.
When she loved, she loved with all her heart. 

But whenever she spoke of love, she had sadness in her voice.

For her, hope made the present period less difficult to bear.

She owed her solitude to other people.
She might have been a slow walker, 

but she never walked backwards.
She had been through shit, but she still smelt nice.
If she never told you of her problems, you'd never know. 

Her smiles were captivating, always.
If you treated her like an option, she'd leave you like a choice.

She never confused motion with action.
She knew she could have it all, but not just have it all at once.
You could never make her feel inferior without her consent.
Sometimes, she was simplified because of her simplicity. 

She lived so absolutely free that her very existence was an act of rebellion.
She was fun, but could be feisty.
The greatest gift she gave to herself was her own attention.
She could be whatever you wanted her to be; the odds had to be in your favor.
She was a friend to many, but few were her friends.
Her beauty might have been dangerous, but her intelligence was lethal.

She fed her faith and all her fears starved to death.
Wherever she went, no matter the weather, she always took her own sunshine.
She never claimed as a right, that which she should ask as a favor.
She was flawed
Above all, she knew her demons.
A struggle wrapped in strength, she was a girl I knew. She bore a charmed life.

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THE UNWELCOMED ESCORT(S)

I was talking to a male friend of mine and he told me that recently, he asked
this girl out on a date. When she arrived, she was with 3 of her friends. He quickly told the taxi driver, ''Don't leave, you are taking these girls back, here is the money''.

Phew! Anybody else noticed this trend? In your case, she might not have brought 3 of her friends, maybe less or more. You might not have paid the taxi fare and asked the driver to take them back. You might have played the role of a gentleman, unlike my friend.  What's worse? Some girls don't even give you a heads up before bringing along their unwelcomed escort(s).

You should have seen the facial expressions of some guys while they shared their ordeals with me. One said when he asked his date why she brought her friend along, she replied, ''Well, I just met you. I thought I should bring my friend along so I feel safe.''
When you think of it, can your friend REALLY make you feel safe? Probably. But definitely not when the guy drugs and rapes both of you.

Other guys were concerned about having to spend more money on drinks and food. Since she brought her friends along, you have to pay more. What happens when you're not with that amount of money? Her friends get to know you're broke and talk her out of dating you. Worse, the guy flees the scene, leaving the ladies to either pay for the expenses or be abashed. I can't even begin to imagine what would happen if the girls and her friends aren't with cash or credit card. Perhaps, they could trade their watches, shoes, bags or phone?

For some guys, it is just the fact that they can't charm the pants off the girl. "I have never banged a girl that came with a friend to a date. However, if she is alone, I could try kissing her and see where things lead to. But with her friend(s) there, they'll glare at me. If a girl brings her friend(s) along with her to a date, I'm out. I don't care how hot she is.", was what another young man had to say.

Has anyone tried going along with this, just to end up giving the friend (too much) attention, causing drama and that jealousy wheel starts spinning? Your date gets jealous and you say in your head, "You brought it on yourself".

                                            Photo source: www.cartoonstock.com

Moreover, if the friend(s) don't like the guy, there's a high chance of losing the girl. So, guys want you to come ALONE to that date, unless they agree beforehand that you bring your friend(s).

For the ladies, some said it has to do with the culture. Sort of a chaperone method of dating. It keeps a lady from getting laid on the first date and forces most men to be gentlemen.

"It's good for ladies to do that because some guys like to flaunt money. If the guy has money and isn't flaunting, cool, I won't go with my friends. But, if he is flaunting, I will go with my friends. However,I will have to let him know that I'm not coming alone.", was what a lady had to say.

For another who seems to care a lot about what happens to her, this was what she said "I can't go with my friends because I don't know his financial stability. Maybe he has plans of running away without paying, hence I need myself alone so I can pay my way out".

Other ladies expressed concern over the fact that your friend might snatch the guy from you.

For some, you don't have privacy and can't get to know the guy more especially if it's a first date.

It's one thing to tell your friend(s) where you're meeting someone - that's a security issue, and I get that. But your friend(s) participating in the date?

No. Is it a group date? A double date? Makes no sense to me.

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FEAR VERSUS CONFIDENCE

A shaky self-confidence or relentless self-doubt stops many people from pursuing their passions. A fear of failure gnaws at them, leaving them at a standstill and unsatisfied with their lives.

Nothing interferes with the ability to have an authentic, reciprocal relationship like low self-esteem. If you can’t believe you’re good enough, how can you believe a loving partner
could choose you? Low self-esteem can make you sabotage relationships that have potentials, or settle for relationships which you’re treated in a way that matches your beliefs about yourself.

You feel wretched and fantasize that a knight in shining armor will take you out of your circumstances and make everything better. This longing may have formed from falling in love with the fantasy of a father. Maybe yours was unavailable enough that you
could idealize him without ever testing his fallibility. You may think you know why your father never “saved” you: it was your fault, not his. Or maybe he did, over and over and your relationship has to make you feel just
like that again.

Therefore, you may feel compelled to hold tight to the fantasy of perfection as the bar you set for your partner to live up to. Even if your partner turns out to be solid, consistent, and loving (though not in a flashy way), you may disqualify the efforts, and find ways to sabotage the relationship.

How could he really love me? She doesn’t really love me, does she? Below the surface, these insecurities guide your emotions and actions. You can’t believe you could be truly loved and so you test your partner at every chance you get so that (s)he can demonstrate
his/her value (which you don’t believe or trust). 

If your parents experienced a painful divorce or betrayed each other, you might feel unable to trust a partner now, whether you are conscious of your guardedness or not. Click 《》 to read my article on the effects of divorce.

You may be hesitant and afraid of allowing yourself to love so that you either abandon your partner
before you can be abandoned or you won't allow yourself to get fully into a relationship in the first place. You are deeply afraid of exposing yourself to the possibility of being hurt.

Despite circumstances that could contribute to low self-esteem, some (wo)men are just built to be resilient. They’re born that way or work really hard to acquire the ability – despite
negative experiences – to engage in a positive, substantive relationship as they mature. Maybe there was a figure somewhere in her life that provided guidance and support and
helped to offset her low self-esteem with resilience. Resilience enables women to be more measured in their approach to men, rather than hysterical about it.

With low self-esteem, it can seem as if
nothing comes easily or naturally to you. Instead, because you don’t see yourself as naturally lovable, you feel like you have to fight and claw and strive for a mate. It’s as if unless you go nine million extra miles for something, you’re not going to get it.
Unfortunately, this can make you obsessed, consumed and infatuated with your object of affection in a way that ruins the ability to have a viable trajectory.

You're already so far ahead. When the relationship doesn’t develop easily or on your timeline, it's hard to tolerate. Instead, this is your cue to work even harder. Just know that it is hard for the other person to sustain that level of intensity right along with you, and it may be a more intense experience than (s)he is ready for.

Are you willing to surrender your hopes for an authentic connection with a partner to guarantee wealth and "financial safety"? This category manifests as the need to trap a
mate with looks or sex or your other physical resources while hiding what you see as a shameful inner part of yourself. This also allows the emotional safety of control: you’re in control of your ability to please a (wo)man
without having to give away your heart.
Because you are familiar with situations such as  being left, being cheated on, etc. you gravitate towards relationships in which you’re able to feel this familiar insecurity. When it’s not there, you may even create it. If the relationship becomes too secure, you may become disinterested and bored and you may stray.

You’re so used to having to work to safe an insecure relationship that these types of relationships become the only ones you are used to. But, at the same time, a deeper part of you tries to push your relationship to the brink and then back again so you can artificially create an experience of insecurity.

You’re willing to commit yourself to the person who expresses interest in you. You become much less discriminating about who you choose. You may even be willing to put up with a behavior that doesn't satisfy you, because you
feel lucky to have anyone at all, even though you are aware you are not happy.

It can be hard to imagine and even harder to believe that you can create and sustain authentic connections. As a means of protecting yourself, you assume dishonesty even from an honest partner, which in turn sours the relationship as it goes on. Then, as
you disbelieve your partner so often, maybe even relentlessly that (s)he may begin to consider lying a viable option – (s)he is already “doing the time”, why not commit the crime? This in turn reaffirms your belief that no one
can be trusted.

There are far more ways people express low self-esteem in relationships. But
sometimes the self-knowledge gained by reading an article like this can help you understand not just pieces of who you are, but also pieces of who you are not.

Self-knowledge can help you steer away from some of these patterns of low self-esteem in relationships toward understanding, accepting and integrating your emotions, beliefs, and behaviors. Appreciating how your
actions have been impacted by your history can help you create an authentic connection in the here and now.

There is a huge misunderstanding that someone who cheats must be really confident — that is, they must think a whole lot of themselves. The jilted
person may then assume that if they felt better about themselves, their partner wouldn't have strayed. This is detrimental thinking, as it is the cheater's insecurity that's the real cause of disloyalty.

We subconsciously rate how confident a person is by how they act and the
persona they put out in the world. But our assumptions aren't always right.

It takes guts to be committed. To become emotionally intimate with another person in any relationship takes courage. If you really think about it, you're letting down your guard to a stranger. It can be pretty scary to allow someone else in, to see yourself as you truly are beyond your mask — especially if you haven't taken a peak inside yourself.

If you are not OK with yourself, you'll simply run from one surface-skimming relationship to another to avoid getting close. This is cowardly; not a sign of confidence. This isn't love, but fear.

True confidence comes not from having it all together, but by being completely secure in all sspects of yourself — the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly — and accepting all of it without judgment. You can drop the mask
that seeks approval from others and just be comfortable being you. Some people believe that loving yourself is about being positive or enlightened, but it really is just accepting yourself even when you are a brat, a dork or say stupid things.

It's OK to make mistakes, but remember that not only are you humane, you are divine. You want a partner who doesn't expect
perfection or desire a pretty mask to cover up what (s)he doesn't want to face about themselves. You want someone brave and confident in the face of life's ups and downs.

How do you attract a confident person? Be one. Don't run away from yourself when things get tough, and you'll find a partner who will stick with you too. If you don't run, they won't run. Confidence breeds commitment....with the right person, ofcourse.

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MIXED SIGNALS

Mixed signals, that's all you send.
Why do you send mixed signals?
You destroy me, then build me again.
You push me away, then come back to me.
You hurt me, then wipe my tears away.
You're warm this minute, but cold as ice before I know.
You say you love me, but act otherwise.
When I found you, you were my anchor.
You set me free and healed my broken wings.
You touched my hand and it set fire to my heart.
Even with you in the same room,
I feel so alone.
Be real. Be specific.
What do you want from me?
Stay if you will, leave if you will.
But please don't send me mixed signals.

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CASTING A SPOUSE ROLE IN YOUR LIFE?

One of the most consternating things about growing older is watching your friends get married. You look in the mirror and try to maintain a smile, but deep down, you’ve got a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.
“I don’t get it. Why does everyone else get married and not me?”
This is a question that defies an easy answer. Maybe you haven’t been trying hard enough. Maybe you’re too busy. Maybe you’re attracted to the wrong (wo)men. Maybe you waste years in relationships that should last months. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

The reason you haven’t found this happiness is because you are CASTING for the part of husband/wife when you date, instead of dating. Immediately you enter into a relationship, you think you have found "the one". People want relationships to end up in marriages and that's okay. But the problem lies in how you go about it.

To avoid making mistakes, you even put up a list:
- 25 to 35years old
- Spiritual but not religious
- Masters degree
- Lives abroad
- No kids
- Not a widow(er)
- Not a divorcee
- Very rich
- From a prominent family
- 6 packs
- Flat stomach
- Macho man
- Tiny waist
- Averagely tall.

When you finally find him/her, you stay in the relationship no matter what happens. You endure all kinds of rubbish because you would love to marry this very rich guy or this beautiful lady. Even when you know (s)he doesn't love you, you force it. All because your family and friends are putting pressure on you to get married. Moreover, your friends have gotten married. At this age, you can’t start over again. No, you can’t build a new relationship. So, you think the best thing to do is to marry someone just to impress others?

                                          Photo Source : Google Images

Some people want to marry so bad that they blackmail their partners into accepting to marry them. Some ladies visit prayer houses with pictures of men they want to marry; while others use pregnancy as an excuse to get married.Click <<http://yakadams7.blogspot.com/2015/02/are-husbands-really-scarce.html >> to read my article which tries to answer the question "Are husbands really scarce?"
And because men know how desperate you are to get married, they promise to marry you and use it as a ploy to charm off your pants. Never put pressure on someone to marry you. 

The problem is that you don’t love the real him/her; you love the gussied up version of him/her that fits your list.
Instead of hunkering down trying to find Mr./Mrs. Perfect, give a chance to that (wo)man who doesn't fit your list but MAKES YOU HAPPY. Also, focus on building yourself into becoming a better person.
You don’t find love by checking off boxes and finding a person who meets all of them.
You find love by checking off very few boxes, and dating a bunch of (wo)men who are somewhat attractive and interested. You’ll figure out the rest later.

If only averagely tall people get married, what will the short ones do? Not that you should marry someone whose attributes don't attract you. The important thing is that he/she makes you happy. Revolutionary Relationships are about finding a husband/wife who is consistently good to you – not just for one month, but also for the rest of your life. Your takeaway is that you MUST open up to all different types of (wo)men and choose the one that makes you happy.

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WEDDING GOWN : RENT OR BUY?

The most exciting part of the wedding for most brides, is wearing the perfect wedding dress on the wedding day. They always dream about looking gorgeous in their swirling outfits and unforgettable in the eyes of the groom and the guests. So, the cost of the dress is an important consideration.

Renting items for your wedding is not a new trend. For years, couples have rented any number of important wedding elements, from tuxedos to chairs and tables for the reception. Couples can even rent a fake wedding cake to display on their cake table while their guests eat from an inexpensive sheet cake. Renting a wedding dress is the latest tool for couples who want to throw a dream wedding without a huge budget.

At the same time, luxurious designer wedding gowns have become incredibly popular with today’s brides. However, unless the bride is independently wealthy, she probably can’t afford to purchase a $12,000 dress and still have enough room in the budget to hire a photographer and caterer.
If you buy your wedding dress, not only will you have a larger selection of gowns to choose from, you won't have any time restrictions, and can alter it for a perfect fit. You won't pay any damage fees. In fact, you won't have to worry about a single smudge or drop of dirt. 

Usually if you buy a wedding dress, you’ll need to do something with it after your wedding. Some brides store their wedding dress for years in the closet, never to wear it again. Other brides may plan to invite their future daughters to wear the dress when they get married. However, twenty years after your wedding, tastes will have probably changed; your once-stylish wedding dress may be an embarrassing reminder of an outdated fashion trend. 

                                          Photo Source: Google Images

Rentals are quite a practical solution for those who consider budget as well as long-term utility. It cuts costs by half. You save valuable money that can be used on the new house. Sometimes bridal packages come with accessories like veil, shoes etc. If you have storage problems, renting and returning the dress solves this problem.

However, there is a flip side to it too. You have a limited selection, as you have to choose from the limited designs available for rental in the store. In many cases, you cannot make alterations and can only choose a size nearing your size. If the dress you love doesn't fit, you have to go for another one. You may also have to pay
separately for alteration charges. You also have to be very careful the whole time not to damage the dress as it has to be returned and you will have to pay for any damages. If it is badly damaged, you may end up having to buy the dress. 

By choosing to rent a dress, a bride can wear the wedding dress of her dreams, regardless of her financial background. Most brides have to purchase a dress months before the wedding so that a professional tailor can alter the dress to make it fit. Even after the dress is ready, the bride may lose or gain weight, causing the dress to no longer fit. If a bride chooses to rent a gown, however, she will have an easier time finding a dress that fits on the first try. Although most rental stores carry a limited number of dress styles, they typically have those same styles available in many different sizes. If your weight does change before your wedding, you can easily move up or down a size.

The ultimate decision on whether to rent or buy, rests on the individual. Both have their pros and cons. A big budget, grand wedding type may definitely go in for an exclusive designer wedding dress. A sweet little, but practical wedding type may go in for a rented wedding dress. All eyes are usually on the bride during the whole ceremony and reception, but no one need know whether the dress is designer or rented, as long as the bride looks happy and ravishing.

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THE IMPACT OF SOCIAL MEDIA ON LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

At some point in each of our lives, we have been in a long-distance relationship. Though long- distance relationships are traditionally viewed as romantic relationships, the definition can be extended to family and close friends. Whether it be from going away to college, studying abroad, moving for work, etc, the distance creates challenges in maintaining our relationships. 

One of these challenges is the increased difficulty in communication. Though technology and social media have helped in effectively meeting this challenge, technology and social media have also had impacts on the nature of the relationships themselves. 

Globalization shortens the distance between people all over the world via electronic communication and it has resulted in 'the death of distance'. 

We are connected almost everywhere we go if we have a smartphone, PC, tablet, etc. 

Prior to the advent of technology, communication within long-distance

relationships was primarily through letters and calls. These were somewhat
limited in nature and restrictive in amount (due to long turnover in letters and cost of long-distance calls). 

With the introduction of video calls, e-mails and chatting, people are able to interact as much as they can. This hyper-connectivity allows us to “catch-up” with any person at any moment in time. 

Facebook provides a vast amount of data, of which the 'relationship status’ and ‘current location’ are just a few examples.

I have heard several complaints from couples whose partners have refused to state their relationship status on such platform. 

Or partners about their location; only for Facebook to 'disgrace' them. The interesting thing is they don't even know their location is on.

Also, people lie about the kind of phone they are using to chat. They upload a status or photo and Facebook says 'via BlackBerry' or 'via i-phone5s'.

If using the internet has an effect on our simplest social interaction (and some argue on our psychology and identity), then it must have an effect on the relationships that are being “kept alive” through social media means.

It seems that when relationships ‘go online’ with the best intentions, there are a lot more aspects to bear in mind. 

Internet connections are often available and spreading the farthest corners of the earth. But what happens on days when the Internet connection is poor? It's frustrating right? You go like 'grrrrhhhh'. I know the feeling.

Getting access to the Internet isn't free. You have to buy a data bundle on your phone, tablet, or PC. Or buy 'airtime' at a café. For people who aren't working, how do they pay for Internet connection? Students deduct from their pocket money. Most people spend more money on data bundle than they do on food. 

When someone’s boy/girlfriend uploads a picture of the opposite sex, it puts a strain on the relationship. This one is a surety, long-distance relationship or not. But in the case of a long - distance relationship, where you can't look into the eyes of your partner to know if he/she is lying (it works for some people) about who the person in the uploaded picture is, it wrecks havoc.

Moreover, the rate at which pornographic materials go viral these days is alarming. What do you do when you see such things on the facebook wall of your partner? Or when you receive such a message on facebook? This has damaged relationships not only between partners, but friends and familes. 

After months or years of not seeing your partner, you finally do. Instead of trying to make up for the lost time, you go through his/her chats. You see something you don't like and demand an explanation. Whether the explanation is good or not, you still fight and argue. 

While social networking sites make our partner of miles away almost be with us
through our phone/computer screens, does that really substitute the human contact? 

Sure, keeping in touch is easier,
but how valuable is the virtual communication compared to physical presence? To what extent and how long will it suffice? What happens when you yearn for a cuddle with your partner?

Is cheating inevitable? I mean, even when both of you are in the same municipality, it's not easy. How much more in a long-distance relationship?

This article is dedicated to UyaiEyen Udoetim. Thank you, once again, for suggesting this topic.

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WHEN (S)HE CANCELS ON YOU

Imagine that you just started dating a great person. And by “great person”, I mean that you’re excited about him/her. Maybe (s)he’s really cute,successful or funny.
You’ve both gone out on three dates already. Ofcourse, you did enjoy yourselves. Now, you’re thinking about your fourth date and you're enthusiastic about it.
You’re eagerly anticipating what you’re going to wear - and what you’re going to wear under what you wear!
You take a shower and get prepared to look chic. Suddenly, you get a text message on your phone.
“Hey. I can’t make it tonight. Something came up. So sorry. Talk to you soon."
You read the text. You can't believe it.
You read it again. You've been flaked out on. Your head spins.
(S)he is having second thoughts or has found someone else. Worse, (s)he couldn’t even bother to call you to break the bad news.
Men. Women.(depending on your gender)
They’re all the same. Selfish.Uncommunicative. Players. To hell with them!
You’re about to write back an angry text - “Thanks for the last minute notice. No need to talk to me soon. Have a nice life.”
Then you read this article, telling you to take a deep breath and put down the phone.
There’s nothing wrong with him/her. (Disclaimer : I am aware of the controversy of this statement)
There’s no reason to give up on him/her, on (wo)men or on relationships.

When someone cancels on you at the last minute, it only means one thing: (s)he’s canceling on you at the last minute.
It does not mean ANYTHING else.
It does not mean you did anything wrong.
It does not mean (s)he doesn’t like you.
It does not mean you’ll never hear from him again.
And it CERTAINLY does not mean you should get angry at her.
We’re busy adults. Life gets in the way.
I’m not making excuses for inconsiderate or ambivalent people. I’m just asking you to consider the context.
Remember, you like this person. (S)he likes you. Your dates have gone well. His/her follow-through and communication have been consistent. There have been absolutely NO hints that there are any problems thus far.
So if (s)he texts you that something came up, the best thing you can do is write back, “Aw, man! That sucks. I feel terrible for you, missing out on a date with me. Anyway, do your best to have fun. And think of me, while you’re at it.”
You think (s)he'd like to receive that text - the one that lets him/her know that you’re cool and confident and forgiving? I think so.
After being burned by (wo)men before, you’ve got your radar up for any indication that (s)he may be pulling away from you.
But the path to successful relationships is in trusting that the right (wo)men will do the right thing, and suspending your judgment until all the evidence is in.
If you had something come up at the last minute, you’d want to be forgiven.
If your best friend had a conflict, you’d find a way to let it go.
So, despite your temptation to take it personally that (s)he’s got a life without you, your most effective move would be to remain warm, supportive and trusting.
If this flakiness is a pattern, it will reveal itself over time and you can deal with it then. But a first offense? From a person you barely know? Who has shown you nothing but respect and enthusiasm?
Let it go.
(S)he'll be glad you did. And so will you. I promise you, my friend.

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BETTER SEX OR JUST BUNK?

In the pursuit of sexual success and fertility, the moon and everything under it have been touted as aphrodisiacs by some persons or culture. Love potion peddlers stop at nothing to sell their sexual wares.

More and more people seem to be having sexual problems; or that seems to be the impression. What else is one expected to think when one is constantly harassed with a barrage of sexual potency, penile enlargement, vagina tightening drugs and aphrodisiacs.
These days, it is almost impossible to go to markets and not be harassed with one aphrodisiac or the other. Sometimes, you just need to take a walk down the road and ‘voila’ there is someone calling on you to by a sexually related drug of any sort.
According to wordweb, an aphrodisiac is a drug or other agent that stimulates sexual desire.
Aphrodisiacs were used mainly by the elderly who needed sexual help. Surprisingly, the case is the opposite currently.
The youths, including teenagers have all jumped onto the bandwagon of aphrodisiac use. Youths now form the majority of sex-related drugs' users.

In a recent survey I did, people who were between the ages of sixteen(16) and thirty (30) admitted having used a form of sex-enhancement drug either once or consistently.
Some of these young men and women even described the advantages of the use of these drugs.

Photo Source : Google Images

In trying to find out why patronage of sex-enhancement drugs is on the rise, a young man told me, that ladies are increasingly becoming sexually insatiable. He says he fears his girlfriend will leave him if he fails to satisfy her sexually.
Inasmuch as some ladies agreed that sexual satisfaction was key to them in any romantic relationship, they also pointed out that the situation was both ways, adding that men drove them to also use aphrodisiacs and vagina-tightening concoctions. They said the men are just too demanding and expect too much when it comes to sex.
The issue of which of the sexes is more sexually demanding could be left for future debate. 
But in all these arguments, one cannot help but wonder if this proliferation of sex-enhancement drugs is a result of increasing sexual promiscuity in our society.
Whatever the causes are, it is evident the dangers of the use and abuse of these drugs at present and in future are great and far reaching.
Health experts have on numerous occasions warned that, the use of aphrodisiacs and other sexual enhancement drugs have negative ramifications including prolong erection, mental disorders, long term impotency and heart failures.
But despite these negative effects associated with the use of aphrodisiacs and other sexual booster drugs that have left many, predominantly the youths with various stages of diseases, its use is still on the ascendancy.
This dangerous lifestyle has become common. Another young man told me he takes such drugs with the aim of punishing women in bed. You're rather punishing yourself, my friend, because you might become impotent at age 40.
Our vibrant youths do not need any assistance in the form of medicines to aid sexual performance since they are still sexually strong.
Elderly males who take aphrodisiac drugs without medical approval should stop. Let a medical doctor give a diagnosis and prescribe it for you. If we all become unable to bear children, our future is doomed. 
Help save young men and women who have suddenly started using medication where there is no disease at all. The call is for all well-meaning individuals to put their resources to work in fighting a battle of psychological, physical and even spiritual dimensions: It will save us the disaster of an impotent generation in future.

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