She finally brought herself to choose one of her suitors. News of her wedding plans went around fast. Her customers got angry and business fell apart.
Nothing haunts me like the words I don't write.
24 June 2016
23 June 2016
It Starts With Curiosity - Part 6
Suitors approached her, but she never wanted to get married. She didn't want to get tied down to one man for the rest of her life.
22 June 2016
It Starts With Curiosity - Part 5
She took great precautions and never kept late nights. She was always with a book whenever any of her family members walked into her room. She deleted the browse
21 June 2016
It Starts With Curiosity - Part 4
The next day in school, her friends gathered around her during break time. They knew she was angry and wanted to please her; they even bought lunch for her. Within her, she felt insulted. They had the audacity to attempt buying her smile with lunch? Breath,
20 June 2016
It Starts With Curiosity - Part 3
She told them about her discovery, while they sat there looking at her. They had looks on their faces that said it wasn't a new thing. She took a closer look at all of their faces;
19 June 2016
It Starts With Curiosity - Part 2
Some days later, she accidentally walked into one of her sisters putting her lips on a man's lips. She hid and watched as the man reciprocated. The man's fingers were all over her sister's torso. She licked her lips as a
18 June 2016
It Starts With Curiosity - Part 1
All of it was overwhelming for her; the thrills, the anxieties. Her body was fast developing. She could stand in front of the mirror admiring herself for hours. She wanted to be
17 June 2016
Come To Me In My Dreams
Love have I told you
How I so miss you
I know you miss me too
And I think there's a way out
16 June 2016
Don't Keep Me Waiting
Babe, you know my
Patience level is zero
Don't make me wait
Far too long for you
You'll drive me crazy
15 June 2016
14 June 2016
The Prophet - Finale
'Take your daughter and get out of my house.' Those were the words that flew out of my aunt's mouth.
Momma immediately went down on her knees and started crying, while she pleaded with my aunt.
13 June 2016
The Prophet - Part 4
My body system immediately adjusted to the scenario and worked in my favor. I probably stood up because I was suddenly able to, or I didn't want my aunt to descend on me. She asked me to mop the kitchen; I gladly did.
12 June 2016
The Prophet - Part 3
Things were hard with Momma after Papa died. However, if only Momma had known it'd come to this, she wouldn't have agreed for me to come to the city. Having been a jobless widow who depended on the leftovers from friends, Momma excitedly agreed when my aunt offered to take me to the city.
11 June 2016
The Prophet - Part 2
The prophet forced the oil down my throat and demanded a confession from me. When no confession came forth from me, he laid his palms on my forehead. If I knew he wanted me to fall down under his 'anointing', I would have. The problem was that I didn't feel any 'anointing' so I didn't fall; that didn't go well for me.
10 June 2016
The Prophet - Part 1
It was a sunny afternoon and the skies were beautiful. Shortly after I ate lunch, Annie called me into the living room, saying my aunt had summoned me. When I got to the living room, a strange man was seated next to my aunt.
As I walked towards them, the man scrutinized me. I greeted both my aunt and the man, but my greetings feel on deaf ears. The strange man looked at my aunt and said "she's the one". With a start that dumbfounded me, my aunt landed a slap on my face. The man walked out the door, after speaking in low tones with my aunt.
9 June 2016
Sorry I was Born This Way, Dad
The other day I overheard you
Lamenting to your friend
You were angry and bitter too
I listened to the very end
8 June 2016
Will You Still Come Home To Me?
When I'm out of my mind
And for sometime unkind
When I turn down reason
And you foresee treason
Will you still come home to me?
7 June 2016
When There's Pain, But No Gain
Often, no matter how hard the struggles are, hope (even the teeniest of it) keeps us going. The hope that we'll smile at the end of the tears keeps us fighting.
6 June 2016
Untold Mistakes - Finale
How couldn't you tell when I lied to you? How couldn't you tell that I wasn't so intelligent to have gotten all those A grades? How couldn't you tell that I had changed from your sweet little girl to a wild thing? How couldn't you tell that I was one month pregnant?
Momma, should I blame you for having had so much faith in me? Should I blame you for having thought that I was a saint? Should I blame you for having had so much trust in me? Should I blame for not having seen through my very shallow self? Oh, Momma!
I've wallowed in blame displacement and it hasn't helped take the weight of the guilt off my heart. I've come to accept that although Samantha played a huge role in my destructive lifestyle, she was not to blame for everything.
It was I that followed her to the night clubs. It was I that excitedly wrapped a blunt. It was I that undressed for the rich old men. It was I that slept my way to high grades in school. It was I that was a liar. It was I that deeply inhaled the 'coke' with my eyes closed in sheer pleasure. It was I that made up my mind to have an abortion. It was I, Momma; it was I.
Now I have to 'live' with my mistakes for the rest of my dead life. Samantha said she had found salvation; I doubt if I ever will. Perhaps if I had lived, I would have changed. I tell myself so, but I doubt it.
Now, I realize that you were trying to make me live a good life for my own good. Come visit me soon, Momma. I love you.
Your daughter before,
Jamie
Untold Mistakes - Part 1
Untold Mistakes - Part 2
Untold Mistakes - Part 3
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5 June 2016
Untold Mistakes - Part 3
I've come to you in numerous forms, in attempts to create a connection with you. The attempts have been impossible, because there's a huge vacuum that I feel between us. This vacuum is so deep, it tears my heart apart.
But, momma, why were those rich men relating sexually with us, even though they knew they were triple times our ages? Why did those teachers allow us to trade ourselves for higher grades? Why did the man who impregnated me say I should 'flush it out' with so much ease, as if others had done so for him before I? Momma, why is the system so polluted?
I lived a wild lifestyle and I actually enjoyed it. I had never stopped once to ask myself where it'd lead me to. I had never stopped once to ask myself if that was the right way to live. I had never stopped once to ask myself how long I'd be alive. Death was the last thing on my mind.
The narcotics put me in a state of emotion so intense that I was carried beyond rational thoughts and self-control. All that mattered to me was how extremely high I could get, and how many men I had my way with.
Momma, it was Samantha; it wasn't me. It was Samantha who said that being high put me in control, and would take me to a realm where very few people attained. It was Samantha who said that it was I having my way with the men, not the other way round.
4 June 2016
Untold Mistakes - Part 2
I'm yet to fully understand the language of the dead, so I hardly talk to anyone. Some families have actually re-united here and they look happy. I often wonder if an unknown distant relative of mine is here too? Perhaps if I knew any of them, it'd make living here a lot easier. I mean it might make living here as a dead person a lot easier.
How else am I supposed to put it? The dead have lives too, but it's different from the lives of the living. We walk around like the living, we talk, we laugh, we cry and we get angry too. We're living, it's just that we're living dead lives. Honestly, I don't know what I'm trying to say.
All those times I told you I was going to study, I lied. Samantha, oh Samantha, I'll never forgive you. It was Samantha who misled me. I wish I had listened to your advice. Samantha taught me how to lie to your face. Samantha said I could use what I had to get what I wanted. Samantha made sure that we both slept our ways to top grades. Momma, it was Samantha all along; it wasn't me.
Remember the bird that sang to you earlier today, when you came to visit me? Momma, that was me. Remember that single raindrop that fell on you when you were on your way to church, but it never rained? Momma, that was me. Remember the dry leaf that laid on your window pane? Momma, that was me. Remember the soft breeze that blew your hair? Momma, that was me.
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3 June 2016
Untold Mistakes - Part 1
Dear Momma,
I wish you could read this letter. Unfortunately you can't, because it's impossible for it to get to you. I'll keep it here with me, until we meet again. There and then will I give it to you, as my lips won't be able to speak of the deeds written in it.
I'm sure you know what killed me by now. Samantha and I went together for the abortion, but I died and she lived. She came to visit me yesterday saying that she'd changed. I laid in my tomb angry, and vividly aware of the fact that it took my death for her to change.
You should have heard the spoilt brat, ranting about regrets. Regrets? It was she who introduced me to those rich old men. It was she who held my hands and assured me that the abortion would be successful, on the grounds that it wasn't her first time. It was she who said I shouldn't date 'small boys' because, according to her, they had nothing to offer. For a minute then, I had wished it was she who died, not I.
I know you'll think I'm shifting blames. Yes, I'm not in denial. I'm shifting blames because this guilt is too much for me to bear alone. I feel as though I might die of a heart attack. Well, not literally, because I'm already dead, unless I can die again.
Momma, I'm so lonely. I don't know anyone here. I want to come home, but I can't. There's someone in charge of this place, who makes sure that none of us escape. It's a cage where no one can set us free. I'll be here for life. I mean I'll be here for as long as I'm dead.
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2 June 2016
When Money Goes On Vacation
If you're complaining because you aren't able to buy a second iPad, have you thought about people who can't afford a plate of meal?
No, I don't mean a three-square meal, I mean a plate of a meal. I'm not even referring to a plate of meal with almost all the classes of food, no. I mean a plate of food that contains at least one class of food.
Meanwhile, you've a roof over your head, a work that you return home from, and a savings account (although you haven't received salaries for the past few months).
No matter how hard it is, you have what to bounce back on. No matter how hard it is, you can pay your utility bills. No matter how hard it is, you can afford your children's school fees.
Yet, you complain bitterly about how hard your life is. You wallow in depression and you cut-off family and friends. You loose your temper at any slightest provocation.
Hey, money has gone on a vacation. However, endeavor to make the best of the little you have. Extremely brooding on the economic crisis will do you more harm than good.
Above all, do not forget to share with others. There are people terribly starving and living in unspeakable conditions. If you could channel your energy to help some of these people, and at the same time, save for yourself and your family, I think you'll find inner happiness - the kind of happiness nobody can take away from you.
In everything you do, strive to find something to be thankful for. The fact that you are alive and well, should be the first on your list of gratitude.
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1 June 2016
Seriously, Shut Up
You see your friend's husband standing along the road with a strange woman, and you immediately call your friend to report same... and more.
You tell your friend (Mrs. A) that her husband (Mr. A) was looking at the woman (Lady A) with 'consuming' eyes. You tell Mrs. A that there was something fishy about how Mr. A and Lady A were smiling.
Meanwhile, you don't tell Mrs. A that you were some kilometers away from Mr. A and Lady A. You don't tell Mrs. A that you aren't quite sure of the 'consuming' eyes, because you couldn't see clearly from that distance.
Some people cannot keep their mouths shut. These are the ones that keep putting their noses where they don't belong. And they always hide behind the 'I'm trying to be your friend' veil.
You should be aware of these 'friends'. They are the types that can easily destroy your marriage or relationship on whimsical impulses. These people don't pause to gather their facts before they go on a gossiping spree.
When you really think about it, they've had nothing to contribute to your life, except tons of gossips. These tons of gossips only put you in trouble. You're there and the next minute, you're called upon to prove who said what at where and when.
You should take some time and reflect on the kinds of friends you have and what they've contributed to your life. When you meet your friends, what do you discuss?
If you are a talkative, I've got two words for you : Shut Up.
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