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29 November 2015

What Does Your Name Say About You?

I've always known I can't feel less Akwa Ibomite. I'm not better than the next Nigerian, no. But, it's because of my name. People hear it, and want to know the bearer.

'Yakekpono-abasi' is my birth name. Whenever it is mentioned, an exclamation is left on the lips of those who fully understand its meaning.

Some people say it's long; others say it's deep. For me, it's simply beautiful. I cherish it because it is a traditional name, more because it speaks volumes.

The only time I faced a challenge, was when I went to study in a foreign land. People looked at me, dazed l, after I told them my name. 

They couldn't comprehend, not to talk of being able to pronounce it. Out of this situation, another name was formed, 'Yakky'.

Even with Yakky, people are still dazed after they ask my name. But, not as they used to be with Yakekpono-abasi. This time, it's different.

Yakky isn't English. It's just a short form of my real name, I usually say. Still, they proceed to ask the real name, and I have to repeat the whole process.

Yakekponoabasi translated to English simply means 'Worship-God'. I've not been told why my parents named me so. The most important thing is, I love it.

A friend once pointed out the value of my name, at a time when I was in despair. He said to me: 'Your life, just like your name, will become a call to worship.'

I'll never be able to recover from the impact of those words. When you have a good name and good friends, this is what happens; they use it to encourage you.

Some people expect me to be a 100% die-hard Christian. They think I should live an exemplary life because of my name.

Hahahaha! I'm not a die-hard Christian per se, but I try. If reborn, I'd love to bear this same name. What does your name say about you?



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28 November 2015

Comfort In The Rain

Guest Post From Emediong Akpan

Though the house holds all the comforts, only in the outside world, can the brand be sold for a name.

It feels fine while it rains, with you tucked in your bed. But what buys the bed? The idea in your head? No!


The billboard in the rain buys the bed. If you keep your business within the four walls of your room -

A name in the household you get. However, if you put it in the public domain, a household name it becomes.


The rise, the reign, and the ruin of your business - these are all in your hands to decide.

An idea does not save the world, if it is locked up in a room. You only get comfort in the rain.


Previous Post By Emediong Akpan
My Society 

About The Author
Emediong Akpan
Emediong Akpan is an ardent writer and thinker. Inspired by tribulations, he writes to keep himself sane. 

Comfort In The Rain is his second guest post. His first guest post, My Society, is currently second on the list of the most read posts on this blog, topped by my article, The 21st Century Society.

You can connect with Emediong on BBM - 56478BC1

27 November 2015

Launching And Gostrels Celebration 3

Gospel Minstrels, a music ministry in Ascension Baptist Church, Bomso-Kumasi, invites you to attend and support the official launch of her maiden single track, outreach ministries, and her third super-duper annual celebration dubbed GOSTRELS CELEBRATION 3 (GC3), with the theme 'LET'S WORSHIP' (Psalms 95:6).

Since its inception, Gostrels Celebration has gathered Christians near and far every first Sunday of the year to offer to God their first fruits of praise and worship.

This year at GC3, as they launch their maiden single track, they seek your financial aid, prayers and presence to push Gospel Minstrels, to establish and run schools and radio outreach ministries.

It's the vision of the ministry to preach Jesus Christ to teenagers via diverse genres of gospel music; the sort teenagers easily open up to, hence, the schools ministry.

Also, it's the vision of the ministry to tell the whole world about 'The Love Of God'; to sing, preach, pray and testify about the love of God to the world, hence, the radio ministry.

Your time, money, and prayers could go a long way to tell the world about the love of God and to introduce Jesus Christ to a teenager you might never meet on earth.

May God bless you abundantly for giving in His name to support this good cause. Thanks in anticipation.

The program starts at 4:00PM on Sunday, January 3, 2016, at Ascension Baptist Church, Bomso-Kumasi.

For support, sponsorship and more information, kindly contact the Director, Mr. Desmond Miracle on 0243851618.

See Pictures Below:
 
A Cross Section Of Gospel Minstrels
A Cross-Section Of Gospel Minstrels

A Cross Section Of Gospel Minstrels' Ladies

Some Gospel Minstrels Celebrating The Birth Of A Baby By One Of Their Members
Gospel Minstrels Director, Mr. Desmond Miracle ministering on Jem105.7FM
Some Gospel Minstrels
Gospel Minstrels Ministering During Gostrels Celebration 2



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26 November 2015

You And Plagiarism

Plagiarism is the copying of another person's ideas, text or other creative work, and presenting it as one's own, especially without permission.

It is not a new thing for you to read the same post via different platforms on social media.

The other day, I read an interesting post on motivation on Facebook. As I scrolled through my news feed, I saw the same post by about ten people.

I was speechless. These posts are never attributed to their original authors.People just copy and paste.

It isn't an easy task to write something that people will like to read. Sometimes, it takes days, weeks, months or even years to come up with a mind-blowing piece.

That's the same piece you use less than a minute to copy and paste. That's not the worst. You don't even care to at least add a byline to it. 


Is it fair? Have you asked yourself how you'd feel if this was done to do? One of the problems with the internet is lack of regulations.

While you're at it, be careful. That act of yours could end you up in jail for a while. Or you might get to pay a whooping sum of money. There are copyright laws.

When you're caught in this web, you'll not be able to tell what got to you.

If you read something you'd like to share to others, use the 'share' button. If you use the information in a research paper, cite the source.

'Little' things such as this, is what mostly put people in trouble. They don't think it matters. 

Well, it might not matter to you, but it does to the author.

Happy surfing!



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23 November 2015

My Poem, My Love

That was how you asked me to choose between you and my poem.

Of course, I chose my poem because my poem cannot break my heart.

You are, a man. I can never trust my heart in your hands.

But, I trust my poem. It springs forth from within me.

I see myself in it. I drown in it. It reflects me. It speaks my mind.

No, I can't write and erase you over and over again. You won't agree.

No, I can't tear you apart and throw you away. You won't be patient.

No, I cannot share you with people. You won't be faithful and loyal.

What I share with my poem, I can never share with you.

So, I chose my poem over you. Be my poem, let me love you.



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22 November 2015

Do You Think God Cares?

Guest Post From Evangelist Charles Fordjour

People ask themselves whether God still cares about their lives. People wonder why some claim that God cares, yet go through all sorts of problems in their lives. There are a thousand and more questions that some people ask and battle within themselves.

Why has that happened to me or that person, if God still cares about us? Has God not seen what I am going through? Is He not worried that I am loosing it? Has He no love for me anymore? And many more questions.

But beloved, let me assure you that God cares and loves you so much beyond measures. Our ways and thoughts are not like His.


First and foremost, see how God made man. He said, let's make man in Our image and likeness. He took the dust of the earth, formed man, breathed into his nostrils and the man became a living soul.

Even angels are not able to understand why God cares so much for humans even in our weakness and unfaithfulness. This was what they had to say, "who is man that you are so mindful of him."

"Mindful of" here means God is always thinking about you. Can you say that the Supreme Being always thinking about you doesn't  care?

A person may say that the thoughts will not always be positive. Alright, this is what God has to tell you concerning that, "I know the thoughts I have towards you, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and hope." Wow, could this be a negative thinker?

Again, Jesus said, "I came that you may have life and have it more abundantly". This is beyond what any person can offer you.

Yes, God cares. God's love for you is beyond measures. Stay close to Him and you will never regret doing so. Enjoy your Sunday.


About The Author
An Evangelist from Great Commission Academy of Ghana, he is a prolific and passionate writer. His works are mostly based on Christianity and lifestyle. Evangelist Charles Fordjour is a product of Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology, Ghana. And he recently got married.
You can connect with him on Facebook.



20 November 2015

Pornography In Nollywood

Guest Post From Abasi-akan Victor

In the good old days of Nollywood (Nigerian movie industry), movies were directed towards societal norms and ethics of African culture and tradition.
Pornography was terribly perceived as an abominable display, that assaults the senses of sights and reasoning. Back then, such materials from were viewed in secluded places with low patronage.

Presently, film producers, directors and actors are expressing gross lack of cultural values and discipline in their artistic creations and representations.

Investigations have proved that the availability of sophisticated equipment and materials in this 21st century, the introduction of Information Communication Technology(ICT) and the quest for stardom by some artists have immensely contributed to the production, distribution and viewing of these destructive contents.

Movies have great influence on the moral behavior of the society, especially on the youths. Therefore, Nigerian movie practitioners should not feign ignorance of the fact that they are empowered to set agenda that will help shape the thought pattern of the public.

Some Nollywood Actresses

The word pornography stems from Greek words, 'porne' which means a harlot or whore, and 'graphos', which means a writing or depiction. The combination of these two words give the meaning as 'a depiction or description of the activities of whores or harlots'.

For the purpose of this article, pornography can best be described as sexually explicit materials intended to create unnecessary sexual arousal, capable of misdirecting and undermining the value of sex to the viewers.

Pornography create the impression of a man and woman that want to gain sexual gratification, thus throwing themselves so carelessly at each other, without caution.

This wild display is devoid of any emotional attachment, and holds no hope for a continuation after they must have satisfied their uncontrollable libidos. It is characterized by illicit sexual practices with nude images of the parties involved.

Pornography has in no small measures trivialized rape and child abuse as criminal offences and promoted man’s insensitivity towards victims. 

Studies have shown causal link between pornography and social crimes, as most sex and violent crime offenders are proven to have had high exposure to pornography at their adolescent stages of life.

Nollywood has in recent times tilted their themes towards pornography. Decent individuals have withdrawn from its patronage, leaving the movies at the mercies of adolescents who are the greatest consumers of the media.

Pornography is a poor sex educator; it is mostly explicit for younger children, who out of mental immaturity could adopt such behaviours to the detriment of the society. For children to be taught by these media, that sex is public, commercial and divorced from any degree of affection, love and commitment, is injurious to their morals.

You can seldomly find a Nollywood movie that does not contain explicit sexual affairs of varying degrees and nature. The level at which amorous scenes, indecent dressing and vulgarity has dominated the industry is an issue of great concern.

Obscenity is now a virtue and well celebrated; sex sells. Some of the actresses are seen juggling and hawking their cleavages shamelessly before the camera, and equally denigrate their womanhood by exposing their organs to the full view of the public.

These notorious actresses are stereotyped into indecent roles where skimpy, transparent and other sexual arousing costumes are richly propagated. They willfully show their breasts, hips, thighs, and other sensitive parts of their bodies, to the detriment of the young ones who look up to them as role models.

Factors that spur the production of pornography include (but not limited to), the lucrative nature of pornography, the inordinate love for money by actors, script writers, producers, directors and marketers, free access to internet and most importantly, the institutional weakness and corrupt practices of the censor board and other regulatory bodies attached to the industry.

The competence of the censor board (an institution charged with the responsibility of ensuring that obscene movies are regulated in Nigeria) should be questioned. 

If one of the policies of the censor board is to ensure that video contents are not blasphemous or denigrate the dignity of womanhood, then the leadership of the board leaves much to be desired.

The emergence of nudity in Nollywood movies suggest a sinister and an unpleasant future for the young ones. The trends of immoral representation in Nollywood are evident in movies such as, Black Berry Girls, Room 027, Bedroom Assassins, Dangerous Games 1 & 2, Computer Girls, Abuja Big Girls, etc.

In these movies, there are gross abuses of human bodies, with languages that promote obscenity. For instance, Cleo’s private part was referred to as a 'borehole' in Abuja Big Girls. Indeed, this is an indecent manner of communicating to the public, creating gaps for a wild imagination.

The movie titled White Hunters is a story of young and beautiful girls who believed that they can only attain sophistication by dressing half-nudely, in order to attract foreign men with a lot of money to shower on them.

A Scene In White Hunters
In a bid to succeed in attracting these men, sex appealing costumes that reveal their anatomy was worn by these characters. White Hunters featured lni Edo, Mercy Johnson, Funke Akindele, Halima Abubakar, etc. Mercy Johnson and Ini Edo were top contenders who went bizarre in seductive dressing and sexual acts to beat each other in the game.

Black Berry Girls is yet another immodest movie where the characters such as Oge Okoye and Tonto Dike were contesting on who will use the latest black berry mobile because, the latest blackberry mobile happens to be the parameter to judge ones' sophistication.

In order to attract their 'mugus', they wore costumes that exposed their breasts, thighs, and generally transparent dresses to enhance their personalities. They equally submitted themselves to sexual overtures to accomplish their missions.

Destructive Instinct by Nigerian-born American actress, Judith Opara, popularly known as, Afro Candy, is the greatest shock Nollywood fans have received so far from the industry. In the movie, Afro candy played the role of a seductive mistress and was seen in one of the scenes in a steamy, hot sex with a male actor fondling her breasts and bare buttocks, to the full view of the public. In one of the scenes, Judith was also seen completely naked on top of her lover boy.

A Scene In Destructive Instinct
This display of gross lack of decency and value for our culture before the camera is not a true representation of Africans. Tonto Dike starred in a movie titled Strippers in Love. She kissed another female cast, almost going nude, in one of the scenes. Tonto also featured in another movie, titled Dirty Secret, where she went nude while in a hot romance with her two male lovers (threesome).


A Scene In Dirty Secret
The analysis of these movies are not just a make-belief kind of scenes as it were, but true life situations that send shivers to the spines as to what these actors are set to achieve with their devilish acts.
It is imperative to unequivocally state that, Nollywood film makers have done more harm than good in portraying the image of women negatively. 

Some of their movies have always concentrated in projecting the women folk as gossips, cheats, drug pushers, cheap sex merchants and a host of other criminal obsessions.

It is quite disgusting that movies which should be an effective medium of behavioural change, has been turned to an abode of immorality, and the ideas of women being used as culprits to perpetuate these vices is equally a very serious issue to be broached.

The greatest harm Nollywood has done, is on the image of women in Nigerian society. This can be substantiated from the fact that cameras are being focused mainly on female genitals more than their male counterparts. 

For example, in Destructive Instinct, Afro Candy’s body was so revealing in the sex scenes, while the face of her male counterpart could not be clearly identified.

Generally, in every sex scene in Nollywood movies, emphasis must be on the woman who happens not to be the only culprit. Women have been obscenely portrayed as objects of gaze and consumption by men; their bodies are objectified as spaces for acts of sexual pleasure or objects of abuse.

Pornography shows significant positive association with attitudes that support violence against women. Women should not be made to appear as sex toys that can be manipulated without bounds. 

A previous research posits that Nollywood should rather present women as being ideal in tradition, devoted wives, mothers of children and the epitome of enigmatic beauty full of feminine attributes.

Womanhood should be that which accepts other people as human beings. The portrayal of women in the extreme as pimps, prostitutes, murderers, power mongers must give way to the positive roles women play to advancethe country and the world.

Women have suffered certain dehumanizing situations in the past and even at the moment as a result of cultural orientations of Africans. 

In this era of modernity, the stereotypical images of women as weak, docile and object of sexual satisfaction should not be the pre-occupation of Nollywood themes in order not to perpetuate the impressions.

Nollywood should function as a channel of communication through which the positive views and desires of Nigerian women are properly articulated.

Nollywood is a powerful medium, which has the capability of stimulating social change and development. Thus, it should capitalize on its strength to project and chant a positive course for women who have contributed immensely to development of families, societies and nations.


About The Author

Abasi-akan Victor is a prolific writer with a vision of transforming the society. He is based in Lagos, Nigeria. You can connect with Abasi-akan Victor on Facebook or BBM: 5939652.

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19 November 2015

Suddenly

She had a headache so bad, that she wished she was dead. It was the sort of migraine that promised her she would continue to suffer, but not die.

She had one hell of a headache. A consistent, nagging headache. It was named 'people'. They meant well. They really did. She used to think so.

People hadn't always been a headache. They used to be, in truth, her favorite beings. That was a long time ago. Now, she was tired. She hated this headache. 


When she was a freckled girl at eight, her father took her to the National park. When she was a lanky adolescent of twelve, her aunty taught her how to dance.

When she became a pregnant teenager as a result of being a wild child, her mother hugged her amidst tears, even though she didn't know who the father was.

At twenty-eight and her ring finger bare, she was an available female. She knew. How could she not? Her friends said so. Daily. And they always had just the right man.

The neighbour that was always checking up on her. The pastor that was always eager to know why she wasn't in church. The brother always playing 'daddy role'.

She couldn't understand why people refused to mind their own business. They be all over her, she can't even breath in clean, fresh, and free oxygen.

She was suffocating. What do they want, huh? She kept on asking herself over and over again. Some days, she wanted to slap sense into their seemingly empty brains.

She never put her nose where it didn't belong. But, people? Oh, they were perfect at that! They couldn't stay a minute without poking theirs right in her face.

She had always been on her own. She tried to prevent this headache as much as she could, but it just kept recurring. She wanted her loner days, her 'her' days.

She dreamt of days when she would do her own thing, without people taking notice. Those days when she would be in perfect control of her life.

She kept on wishing that people would just leave her alone. She kept on blocking out this headache. She screamed at people. She was harsh, very harsh, until one day...



She leaned back in her chair and rubbed her eyes. It was no use. The headache was gone. She no longer felt that pain shooting behind her eyes. She was free.

Was she really free, she asked herself.
 
Suddenly, she realized she was alone. The phone no longer rang unceasingly. Her doorbell no longer rang repeatedly. Suddenly.


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18 November 2015

Women: Your Post-Marriage Lifestyle

I remember when the idea for this post came up. I discussed it with a friend and she thought people will not value it, since I don't have marital experience. Well, I'm not yet married, but I have friends who are and the complaints are getting too much.

Moreover, I live in a community. I see things, I hear things. And oh, I watch movies and read books too. So you see, I don't need to be married before I can pen something about this particular aspect of marriage.



Even if you're not married, you have family members and friends who are. So, don't ignore this post. Perhaps, you could learn one or two things, which you can share with them.

Most married women say their husbands cheat on them, neither spend time with them at home nor take them out. I believe before you got married, a quality or qualities in you attracted him (if it wasn't an arranged marriage).

A while after you married each other, you noticed changes in his behavior towards you. Perhaps, you've had a kid or two. 



Does the destination to motherhood and being a wife put so much pressure on some women such that they forget how it all began?

When you were courting each other, you dressed smartly. Your nails were trimmed to a moderate length. And your hair? You used to change it often and you made sure it always smelt nice, very nice.

Not to talk of that perfume that made him unable to resist you. Plus, you used to send him lovely text messages once in a while. Or everyday. I don't know. I wasn't there. You know how you used to do it.



Love conquers all, I know. But, I bet one or two of these things made him marry you. And I'm sure he had hoped it would continue that way. If you doubt me, ask him.

But after marriage, those qualities vanished. Literally. You are no longer the sexy, badass, hard-working, prim woman you used to be.

At some point, it gets so bad that he even feels ashamed inviting his friends to the house. Why? Where did it go wrong?

You've given birth to two or three kids (sometimes, only one) and the pressure is too much? Oh, you go to the office everyday and you don't have a nanny. It's stressful. Very stressful.

So, you leave your hair unkempt, wear a wig for God-knows-how-long, don't iron your clothes and store up used dishes in the sink forever.

The living room is a mess. Someone would have to sidestep the baby's bath (with the water you used to bath the baby inside), and the plate you used to feed the baby on the floor. And also remove a heap of clothes and toys from a chair before finally getting to sit.

Not to mention your bedroom. That's a no-go area. Piles of clothes are everywhere. From the bed to your dressing table and of course, the floor. 



If you're a housewife, you tie wrapper from morning till night. Worse, you breastfeed your baby all day without taking a single bath. If you're working, you undress and tie a wrapper as soon as you get home.

Tying wrapper is part of the Nigerian woman's culture. But tying it day in, day out, does not look attractive. Even if you want to wear native clothes, let them be nicely sown and well-fitted.

The problem lies in tying one old and dirty wrapper and making it into a regular home wear, when you could have easily worn a sexy top, bum short and flip flops or better still, a dainty, little dress/long gown. After all, you are at home. Unless there's a visitor who might make it look inappropriate.

You have a nanny whom you've automatically turned into your husband's second wife and your children's second mother. 

She cooks all the food. She sets the table. She irons the clothes. She assists the children with their homework. She does EVERYTHING.

Some women immediately after giving birth, address their husbands ONLY by their names or after one of their children (Papa Emeka). Oh, I weep! Try spicing it up a bit, yea? What happened to the pet names you used to call him?



Remember how you used to throw surprise parties for him? You used to take him out once in a while. Now, you wait till he makes the first move. Stop that!

It doesn't have to be something huge. You can do something small at home just for the both of you and your friends. If you're taking him out, who knows? He might not let you foot the bill.

It's not easy raising kids. My mother never fails to tell me how I was so stubborn, throwing things here and there. Some of us are wired that way, we can't help it. But, discipline goes a long way.



Being a mother should not change your identity. Don't stop wearing nice clothes just because you have children. Most women who are single, fashionable and decent, hardly have any problem when they marry.

Women have a responsibility to ALWAYS clad themselves with the most decent and beautiful attire that they can afford. DECENCY and BEAUTY should always inform a woman's dress choice.

If you married her in indecent clothes, those ones that you suddenly don't like anymore, well that's your problem. I wish you the best with making her change them.

Watch Out For Men: Your Post-Marriage Lifestyle.


17 November 2015

Free Me

Co-written by Octobias Obie and Yakky Adams

You stripped off my happiness,
And showed off your cruelty.
You took off my clothes,
And brought shame to me.
Tears hung on my eyelashes,
Ashamed to hit the floor.

Every time, you dress me in
Your imagination to please you.
You strip off my joy, my peace,
My health and my heart.
Oh! You took everything and
Left me empty,  without a soul.




The moonlight can't stop taking
Pictures of me, crying alone.
You use words that please you,
You display me to the public.
How could you do that?
I thought I was your best friend.

You stripped off my personality,
You stripped off my dignity.
I can barely recognize myself.
I'm crying for my freedom.
Free me,  and free me in deed;
Let me speak for myself.

About The Authors 
Octobias Obie is a South African writer, who focuses on poems and short stories. His themes include  love and abuse. Octobias enjoys listening to music.
Visit Octobias Facebook Page Now For More Of His Works.

Yakky Adams
Me? Well,  I'm a random muser. Every published work here is written by me, except stated otherwise.
Visit My Facebook Page Now For More Of My Musings.

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16 November 2015

Thank You

The phrase 'ungrateful person' can pack a real punch. In any friendship, there will be times when the 'give and take' falls out of balance. 

Some people just stay in the 'taking' mode a little longer than they do in the 'giving' mode.

Worse, they can't even say 'thank you'. I was talking about ungratefulness with a friend the other day. 

He said some people appreciate things you do for them, but don't know they should say 'thank you'. I'm still in shock. How is that even possible?

So, they never learnt it from parents, siblings, friends, movies, and the society as a whole? How about when they do things for other people and are told 'thank you', huh? 

I didn't believe that for a bit. I told him he was making excuses for them. But, that's just my opinion.

Gratitude - a feeling and expression of thankfulness for the efforts of others that are costly to them and beneficial to us.

I have long believed that gratitude is a foundation for satisfying relationships (platonic and intimate) and positive social exchange.

Grant and Gino investigated the effects of expressions of gratitude on the positive behavior of helpers across some experiments.

In the first two experiments, some participants received letters of appreciation from a fellow student for help in writing a resume cover letter, while other participants did not. 

Those participants who received the 'thank you' were more motivated to help the student at a later date.

The second two experiments had a similar result. This time, however, students were asked to make alumni
donation calls on behalf of the university they were attending. 

Some participants received a verbal 'thank you' for their efforts by a director of fundraising, while others did not.  

Those who received the thank you showed an increase in positive behavior (making more calls). Those who received no expression of gratitude did not increase their efforts.

Kubacka, Finkenauer, Rusbult, and Keijsers evaluated the effects of gratitude on loving "relationship
maintenance" behaviors. 

More specifically, the researchers investigated how gratitude influences positive behaviors towards a spouse over time.

Results indicate: Spouses feel gratitude for a partner when they perceive that partner's behavior as being responsive to their needs. That feeling of gratitude then motivates behavior in return that is responsive back to the needs of the partners.

When that reciprocal behavior is perceived by the partner, feelings of gratitude result in them as well. A positive cycle develops over time, with increasing gratitude and caring behavior for both individuals.

Overall, gratitude has two powerful influences on positive relationship behavior. When we express gratitude to a partner, we increase the chances that they will behave well towards us in the future.

When we feel gratitude, we increase the chance that we will behave well towards them. If our partner feels grateful for our good behavior as well, then a positive cycle develops. Everybody is grateful and everybody behaves lovingly.

Some ways to show gratitude are:
1) Pay Attention - Pay attention to the positive and supportive behaviors of your friends. Take note when they do something positive and effortful that benefits you. 

This will bring out your feelings of appreciation, gratitude, and thankfulness for their efforts. It will also motivate you to value your friend and treat him/her well in return.

2) Show Thanks - When you notice that your partner has done something good for you, be sure to thank them. Show them that you appreciate their efforts. Write them a note. Say thank you. Give them a kiss or a hug. 

Do something nice in return. Such expressions of gratitude will motivate his/her future loving behavior. It serves as a reinforcement to encourage the behaviors you desire as well.

3) Troubleshoot (When Necessary) - If you seem to have an ungrateful partner, there are a two fixes to try:

First, make sure your loving behaviors are what THEY want and need. Gratitude is created by you being responsive to their needs, not just doing what you want (even if it is a lot of work).

Second, make sure that you are not missing their appreciative behaviors.

Sometimes, partners do thankful things that are easy to miss, or don't mean much to you. So, keep your eyes peeled. Also, talk with them. Tell them what YOU like.
 
Gratitude makes the world go around. It is an essential feature. There are no two ways about it; life is quid pro quo. 

Expressions of gratitude influence loving behavior in people. Try to show appreciation to people for things they do for you.




15 November 2015

Let Me Grow (Part 4)

Guest Post From Emmanuel Boison

I sinned against God and man, defamed the church of the Living God and shamed the name of the Most High. I have a past I'm not so proud of. (Let’s assume you do not).

I had a rough start. I slipped along the line, I abused the grace and call of God upon my life. And I kept a double life until I was exposed. (Let’s assume I’m the only one).

But, if He has chosen to forgive me, why do you fight God’s grace, mercy and love shown me? Why do you sack the sick from God’s hospital?

I’m back here again, with or without your permission. God says: “Therefore if the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed.

"For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old.

"Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

Have I gotten you confused? Yeah, I’m quoting scripture, and they apply to me also. Do I sound presumptuous? No, I’m remorseful and I’m only begging to speak.

So let me speak, let me speak, let me speak! I pray your godly love towards me, not your judgment, condemnation and rejection.

So you saw me doing what, when, last year, month, week or yesterday? I’ve confirmed your suspicions so you’ve declared me persona non grata?

No, you’re not the reason I live. I’m not going to give up the good fight of faith ‘till my raptured soul shall find rest beyond the river.’

I rely on the steadfast love of the Lord that never ceases; His mercies that never come to an end; for they are new every morning, great is His faithfulness.

If I don’t stand guilty before Him, I shouldn’t also stand guilty before anyone. So for the last time, please let me be, let me change, let me grow, let me flow.