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21 April 2015

MIXED SIGNALS

Mixed signals, that's all you send.
Why do you send mixed signals?
You destroy me, then build me again.
You push me away, then come back to me.
You hurt me, then wipe my tears away.
You're warm this minute, but cold as ice before I know.
You say you love me, but act otherwise.
When I found you, you were my anchor.
You set me free and healed my broken wings.
You touched my hand and it set fire to my heart.
Even with you in the same room,
I feel so alone.
Be real. Be specific.
What do you want from me?
Stay if you will, leave if you will.
But please don't send me mixed signals.

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CASTING A SPOUSE ROLE IN YOUR LIFE?

One of the most consternating things about growing older is watching your friends get married. You look in the mirror and try to maintain a smile, but deep down, you’ve got a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.
“I don’t get it. Why does everyone else get married and not me?”
This is a question that defies an easy answer. Maybe you haven’t been trying hard enough. Maybe you’re too busy. Maybe you’re attracted to the wrong (wo)men. Maybe you waste years in relationships that should last months. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

The reason you haven’t found this happiness is because you are CASTING for the part of husband/wife when you date, instead of dating. Immediately you enter into a relationship, you think you have found "the one". People want relationships to end up in marriages and that's okay. But the problem lies in how you go about it.

To avoid making mistakes, you even put up a list:
- 25 to 35years old
- Spiritual but not religious
- Masters degree
- Lives abroad
- No kids
- Not a widow(er)
- Not a divorcee
- Very rich
- From a prominent family
- 6 packs
- Flat stomach
- Macho man
- Tiny waist
- Averagely tall.

When you finally find him/her, you stay in the relationship no matter what happens. You endure all kinds of rubbish because you would love to marry this very rich guy or this beautiful lady. Even when you know (s)he doesn't love you, you force it. All because your family and friends are putting pressure on you to get married. Moreover, your friends have gotten married. At this age, you can’t start over again. No, you can’t build a new relationship. So, you think the best thing to do is to marry someone just to impress others?


                                          Photo Source : Google Images


Some people want to marry so bad that they blackmail their partners into accepting to marry them. Some ladies visit prayer houses with pictures of men they want to marry; while others use pregnancy as an excuse to get married.Click <<http://yakadams7.blogspot.com/2015/02/are-husbands-really-scarce.html >> to read my article which tries to answer the question "Are husbands really scarce?"
And because men know how desperate you are to get married, they promise to marry you and use it as a ploy to charm off your pants. Never put pressure on someone to marry you. 

The problem is that you don’t love the real him/her; you love the gussied up version of him/her that fits your list.
Instead of hunkering down trying to find Mr./Mrs. Perfect, give a chance to that (wo)man who doesn't fit your list but MAKES YOU HAPPY. Also, focus on building yourself into becoming a better person.
You don’t find love by checking off boxes and finding a person who meets all of them.
You find love by checking off very few boxes, and dating a bunch of (wo)men who are somewhat attractive and interested. You’ll figure out the rest later.

If only averagely tall people get married, what will the short ones do? Not that you should marry someone whose attributes don't attract you. The important thing is that he/she makes you happy. Revolutionary Relationships are about finding a husband/wife who is consistently good to you – not just for one month, but also for the rest of your life. Your takeaway is that you MUST open up to all different types of (wo)men and choose the one that makes you happy.

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WEDDING GOWN : RENT OR BUY?

The most exciting part of the wedding for most brides, is wearing the perfect wedding dress on the wedding day. They always dream about looking gorgeous in their swirling outfits and unforgettable in the eyes of the groom and the guests. So, the cost of the dress is an important consideration.

Renting items for your wedding is not a new trend. For years, couples have rented any number of important wedding elements, from tuxedos to chairs and tables for the reception. Couples can even rent a fake wedding cake to display on their cake table while their guests eat from an inexpensive sheet cake. Renting a wedding dress is the latest tool for couples who want to throw a dream wedding without a huge budget.

At the same time, luxurious designer wedding gowns have become incredibly popular with today’s brides. However, unless the bride is independently wealthy, she probably can’t afford to purchase a $12,000 dress and still have enough room in the budget to hire a photographer and caterer.
If you buy your wedding dress, not only will you have a larger selection of gowns to choose from, you won't have any time restrictions, and can alter it for a perfect fit. You won't pay any damage fees. In fact, you won't have to worry about a single smudge or drop of dirt. 

Usually if you buy a wedding dress, you’ll need to do something with it after your wedding. Some brides store their wedding dress for years in the closet, never to wear it again. Other brides may plan to invite their future daughters to wear the dress when they get married. However, twenty years after your wedding, tastes will have probably changed; your once-stylish wedding dress may be an embarrassing reminder of an outdated fashion trend. 

                                          Photo Source: Google Images

Rentals are quite a practical solution for those who consider budget as well as long-term utility. It cuts costs by half. You save valuable money that can be used on the new house. Sometimes bridal packages come with accessories like veil, shoes etc. If you have storage problems, renting and returning the dress solves this problem.

However, there is a flip side to it too. You have a limited selection, as you have to choose from the limited designs available for rental in the store. In many cases, you cannot make alterations and can only choose a size nearing your size. If the dress you love doesn't fit, you have to go for another one. You may also have to pay
separately for alteration charges. You also have to be very careful the whole time not to damage the dress as it has to be returned and you will have to pay for any damages. If it is badly damaged, you may end up having to buy the dress. 

By choosing to rent a dress, a bride can wear the wedding dress of her dreams, regardless of her financial background. Most brides have to purchase a dress months before the wedding so that a professional tailor can alter the dress to make it fit. Even after the dress is ready, the bride may lose or gain weight, causing the dress to no longer fit. If a bride chooses to rent a gown, however, she will have an easier time finding a dress that fits on the first try. Although most rental stores carry a limited number of dress styles, they typically have those same styles available in many different sizes. If your weight does change before your wedding, you can easily move up or down a size.

The ultimate decision on whether to rent or buy, rests on the individual. Both have their pros and cons. A big budget, grand wedding type may definitely go in for an exclusive designer wedding dress. A sweet little, but practical wedding type may go in for a rented wedding dress. All eyes are usually on the bride during the whole ceremony and reception, but no one need know whether the dress is designer or rented, as long as the bride looks happy and ravishing.

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19 April 2015

THE IMPACT OF SOCIAL MEDIA ON LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

At some point in each of our lives, we have been in a long-distance relationship. Though long- distance relationships are traditionally viewed as romantic relationships, the definition can be extended to family and close friends. Whether it be from going away to college, studying abroad, moving for work, etc, the distance creates challenges in maintaining our relationships. 
One of these challenges is the increased difficulty in communication. Though technology and social media have helped in effectively meeting this challenge, technology and social media have also had impacts on the nature of the relationships themselves. 
Globalization shortens the distance between people all over the world via electronic communication and it has resulted in 'the death of distance'. 
We are connected almost everywhere we go if we have a smartphone, PC, tablet, etc. 
Prior to the advent of technology, communication within long-distance
relationships was primarily through letters and calls. These were somewhat
limited in nature and restrictive in amount (due to long turnover in letters and cost of long-distance calls). 
With the introduction of video calls, e-mails and chatting, people are able to interact as much as they can. This hyper-connectivity allows us to “catch-up” with any person at any moment in time. 
Facebook provides a vast amount of data, of which the 'relationship status’ and ‘current location’ are just a few examples.
I have heard several complaints from couples whose partners have refused to state their relationship status on such platform. 
Or partners about their location; only for Facebook to 'disgrace' them. The interesting thing is they don't even know their location is on.
Also, people lie about the kind of phone they are using to chat. They upload a status or photo and Facebook says 'via BlackBerry' or 'via i-phone5s'.
If using the internet has an effect on our simplest social interaction (and some argue on our psychology and identity), then it must have an effect on the relationships that are being “kept alive” through social media means.



It seems that when relationships ‘go online’ with the best intentions, there are a lot more aspects to bear in mind. 
Internet connections are often available and spreading the farthest corners of the earth. But what happens on days when the Internet connection is poor? It's frustrating right? You go like 'grrrrhhhh'. I know the feeling.
Getting access to the Internet isn't free. You have to buy a data bundle on your phone, tablet, or PC. Or buy 'airtime' at a cafĂ©. For people who aren't working, how do they pay for Internet connection? Students deduct from their pocket money. Most people spend more money on data bundle than they do on food. 
When someone’s boy/girlfriend uploads a picture of the opposite sex, it puts a strain on the relationship. This one is a surety, long-distance relationship or not. But in the case of a long - distance relationship, where you can't look into the eyes of your partner to know if he/she is lying (it works for some people) about who the person in the uploaded picture is, it wrecks havoc.
Moreover, the rate at which pornographic materials go viral these days is alarming. What do you do when you see such things on the facebook wall of your partner? Or when you receive such a message on facebook? This has damaged relationships not only between partners, but friends and familes. 
After months or years of not seeing your partner, you finally do. Instead of trying to make up for the lost time, you go through his/her chats. You see something you don't like and demand an explanation. Whether the explanation is good or not, you still fight and argue. 
While social networking sites make our partner of miles away almost be with us
through our phone/computer screens, does that really substitute the human contact? 
Sure, keeping in touch is easier,
but how valuable is the virtual communication compared to physical presence? To what extent and how long will it suffice? What happens when you yearn for a cuddle with your partner?
Is cheating inevitable? I mean, even when both of you are in the same municipality, it's not easy. How much more in a long-distance relationship?
This article is dedicated to UyaiEyen Udoetim. Thank you, once again, for suggesting this topic.
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WHEN (S)HE CANCELS ON YOU

Imagine that you just started dating a great person. And by “great person”, I mean that you’re excited about him/her. Maybe (s)he’s really cute,successful or funny.
You’ve both gone out on three dates already. Ofcourse, you did enjoy yourselves. Now, you’re thinking about your fourth date and you're enthusiastic about it.
You’re eagerly anticipating what you’re going to wear - and what you’re going to wear under what you wear!
You take a shower and get prepared to look chic. Suddenly, you get a text message on your phone.
“Hey. I can’t make it tonight. Something came up. So sorry. Talk to you soon."
You read the text. You can't believe it.
You read it again. You've been flaked out on. Your head spins.
(S)he is having second thoughts or has found someone else. Worse, (s)he couldn’t even bother to call you to break the bad news.
Men. Women.(depending on your gender)
They’re all the same. Selfish.Uncommunicative. Players. To hell with them!
You’re about to write back an angry text - “Thanks for the last minute notice. No need to talk to me soon. Have a nice life.”
Then you read this article, telling you to take a deep breath and put down the phone.
There’s nothing wrong with him/her. (Disclaimer : I am aware of the controversy of this statement)
There’s no reason to give up on him/her, on (wo)men or on relationships.


When someone cancels on you at the last minute, it only means one thing: (s)he’s canceling on you at the last minute.
It does not mean ANYTHING else.
It does not mean you did anything wrong.
It does not mean (s)he doesn’t like you.
It does not mean you’ll never hear from him again.
And it CERTAINLY does not mean you should get angry at her.
We’re busy adults. Life gets in the way.
I’m not making excuses for inconsiderate or ambivalent people. I’m just asking you to consider the context.
Remember, you like this person. (S)he likes you. Your dates have gone well. His/her follow-through and communication have been consistent. There have been absolutely NO hints that there are any problems thus far.
So if (s)he texts you that something came up, the best thing you can do is write back, “Aw, man! That sucks. I feel terrible for you, missing out on a date with me. Anyway, do your best to have fun. And think of me, while you’re at it.”
You think (s)he'd like to receive that text - the one that lets him/her know that you’re cool and confident and forgiving? I think so.
After being burned by (wo)men before, you’ve got your radar up for any indication that (s)he may be pulling away from you.
But the path to successful relationships is in trusting that the right (wo)men will do the right thing, and suspending your judgment until all the evidence is in.
If you had something come up at the last minute, you’d want to be forgiven.
If your best friend had a conflict, you’d find a way to let it go.
So, despite your temptation to take it personally that (s)he’s got a life without you, your most effective move would be to remain warm, supportive and trusting.
If this flakiness is a pattern, it will reveal itself over time and you can deal with it then. But a first offense? From a person you barely know? Who has shown you nothing but respect and enthusiasm?
Let it go.
(S)he'll be glad you did. And so will you. I promise you, my friend.
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12 April 2015

BETTER SEX OR JUST BUNK?

In the pursuit of sexual success and fertility, the moon and everything under it have been touted as aphrodisiacs by some persons or culture. Love potion peddlers stop at nothing to sell their sexual wares.
More and more people seem to be having sexual problems; or that seems to be the impression. What else is one expected to think when one is constantly harassed with a barrage of sexual potency, penile enlargement, vagina tightening drugs and aphrodisiacs.
These days, it is almost impossible to go to markets and not be harassed with one aphrodisiac or the other. Sometimes, you just need to take a walk down the road and ‘voila’ there is someone calling on you to by a sexually related drug of any sort.
According to wordweb, an aphrodisiac is a drug or other agent that stimulates sexual desire.
Aphrodisiacs were used mainly by the elderly who needed sexual help. Surprisingly, the case is the opposite currently.
The youths, including teenagers have all jumped onto the bandwagon of aphrodisiac use. Youths now form the majority of sex-related drugs' users.
In a recent survey I did, people who were between the ages of sixteen(16) and thirty (30) admitted having used a form of sex-enhancement drug either once or consistently.
Some of these young men and women even described the advantages of the use of these drugs.
Photo Source : Google Images
In trying to find out why patronage of sex-enhancement drugs is on the rise, a young man told me, that ladies are increasingly becoming sexually insatiable. He says he fears his girlfriend will leave him if he fails to satisfy her sexually.
Inasmuch as some ladies agreed that sexual satisfaction was key to them in any romantic relationship, they also pointed out that the situation was both ways, adding that men drove them to also use aphrodisiacs and vagina-tightening concoctions. They said the men are just too demanding and expect too much when it comes to sex.
The issue of which of the sexes is more sexually demanding could be left for future debate. 
But in all these arguments, one cannot help but wonder if this proliferation of sex-enhancement drugs is a result of increasing sexual promiscuity in our society.
Whatever the causes are, it is evident the dangers of the use and abuse of these drugs at present and in future are great and far reaching.
Health experts have on numerous occasions warned that, the use of aphrodisiacs and other sexual enhancement drugs have negative ramifications including prolong erection, mental disorders, long term impotency and heart failures.
But despite these negative effects associated with the use of aphrodisiacs and other sexual booster drugs that have left many, predominantly the youths with various stages of diseases, its use is still on the ascendancy.
This dangerous lifestyle has become common. Another young man told me he takes such drugs with the aim of punishing women in bed. You're rather punishing yourself, my friend, because you might become impotent at age 40.
Our vibrant youths do not need any assistance in the form of medicines to aid sexual performance since they are still sexually strong.
Elderly males who take aphrodisiac drugs without medical approval should stop. Let a medical doctor give a diagnosis and prescribe it for you. If we all become unable to bear children, our future is doomed. 
Help save young men and women who have suddenly started using medication where there is no disease at all. The call is for all well-meaning individuals to put their resources to work in fighting a battle of psychological, physical and even spiritual dimensions: It will save us the disaster of an impotent generation in future.


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